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Reported by Earnest I Aguilar Zevallos
The Rock, The Undertaker, Triple H & the "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels will make appearances to build the biggest pay-per-view of the year and their respective storylines. Who will win the Rap VS. Rock (concert) between John Cena & The Rock?
What will go down as The Undertaker confronts Shawn Michaels about special-reffing his Hell In The Cell match with Triple H? Only one way to find out and that is to read on. Week #4 on the Road To WrestleMania XXVIII begins now...
Monday Night Raw for March 12, 2012 - "Cleveland ROCKS (And Raps)!"
Introduction Segment: Video, Pyro, & Welcoming
The regular Raw video plays and the pyro blasts in the arena of Cleveland, Ohio. Michael Cole welcomes us and informs us of a huge night! Jerry "The King" Lawler is already in the ring, leading to...
Segment #1: Arena Promo
From the home of the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, right now it is the first-ever Rock & Rap concert. Out first is the "Dr. Of Thuganomics" John Cena. (He enters in his old-school rap attire, complete with chain, backwards hat, and Cleveland "Price 25" basketball jersey; along with old Titantron and "Word Life" music).
The only way to give this justice is to (almost) quote his entire rap:
"Rock wanted me to write his song tonight, but I would never be his mouthpiece, 'cause Rock's like Lebron James - he took his talents straight down to South beach.
"And for the past few weeks, Rock's been legitimately pissed. If you get stuck singing your song tonight Rock, it's all in the wrist. Could we please have a week where you don't come out here and choke? You may be 'G.I. Joe' this summer, right now you're a 'G.I. Joke.'
"Ever since I opened my mouth about you, you been begging me to back off. So if Rock and Dwayne are the same person, I think y'all both are jackoffs. And after April 1st, you won't be making no more movies.
"You gonna to need surgery on your face, just like you had it on your boobies...locker room full of Divas, I've got a gift for Rock, I'm going to give him a 'Cleveland Steamer.'
"'Team Bring?' He's 'Team Lost It' and the truth is gettin' scary, 'cause they weren't chanting 'Rocky' last week, they were chanting 'Tooth Fairy.'
"Keep making fun of this 'Fruity Pebble' Rock, cause I ain't even close to sick of it. I'm 'Mr. Kung-Pow Chicken,' you just 'Miami-fried chicken-s**t.'
"And no, no, I don't have balls, but I got something in their place. I'm going to beat your ass at WrestleMania and put my nuts dead in your face!"
(Wow! - Right now, Cena 3, Rock 0!)
Cole & Lawler plug the rest of Raw, which includes The Rock's rebuttal with his concert, and a faceoff between The Undertaker & Shawn Michaels.
Segment #2: Arena Promo
Excuse her! Vickie Guerrero gives her opinion and declares that something should be illegal, because it deprives us of one whole hour of the presence of "The Show-Off" Dolph Ziggler! (I agree too!)
Match #1: Single - "The Show-Off" Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero) VS. "Great White" Sheamus
Both circle around each other, with Ziggler "showing-off." Dolph ducks behind and delivers a quick elbow-to-the-back-of-the-head. Sheamus responds with a kick-to-the-gut and a side head lock takedown. 1 - 2 - Dolph kicks out!. Shoulder block and side head lock takedown again fro Sheamus to ground Ziggler. Dolph fights back with a few kicks and punches, but is hammered from a back elbow and gets tied up on the apron/ropes, but wiggles out for a break.
Commercials.
Sheamus is still in control with a vicious clothesline and now an armbar lock. Another shoulder block and this time, Sheamus hip-tosses Ziggler right over the top rope! Dolph crawls under the ring and comes out the other side to hit Sheamus from behind with a dropkick! He then chucks him into the announce table. Referee Charles Robinson begins the 10-count. Sheamus climbs back in at 7.
Dolph stomps away on Sheamus and clamps on a rear-naked chokehold. (The camera moves to the skybox section, where Josh Matthews interviews World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan. He defends his words about A.J. from Smackdown - read the report on Wrestling-Online.com! - and goes back to concentrating on his WrestleMania opponent's match.)
Sheamus works his way out of the submission and begins to get momentum. Axe handles and a twisting shoulder-powerslam drive down Ziggler, but only for 2! A "Celtic Cross" powerbomb is tried but Dolph drops out of it. He runs into a flapjack though and Sheamus gets a close fall!
Dolph jawbreakers Sheamus on the ropes and tries a top-rope dive, only to get caught in a move from Sheamus. Ziggler reverses it into a Crucifix pin, but Sheamus just picks him up right and flips him over. 1 - 2 - Ziggler powers out! Dolph moves out of the way to let Sheamus run into the ring post, and then drops him with a Fameasser. 1 - 2 - Sheamus kicks out!
Both men slowly get to their feet and Sheamus nails the Brogue Kick out of no where. 1 - 2 - 3! (Awesome match!)
Winner via Pin fall: "The Celtic Warrior" Sheamus
Cole informs us that there is a new WrestleMania match, with the stipulation being that the winner will control both Raw & Smackdown. The match is a 12-man tag, featuring wrestlers from both Raw & Smackdown, as chosen by their respective General Managers, who we will hear from up next!
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Match #2: Mixed Tag-Team - Aksana & WWE United States Champion Santino Marella VS. David Otunga & ?
Before this match can begin, Mr. John Laurinaitis (who is on commentary), changes the match to a 2-on-1 bout.
NOW
Match #2: 2-On-1 - WWE United States Champion Santino Marella VS. David Otunga & Mark Henry (Non-Title)
(Note: Just prior, Smackdown General Manager walks out and gets in the face/argument with Laurinaitis. He pushes "Big Johnny" into the announcer's chair).
Meanwhile, in the ring, Santino punches and hip-tosses Otunga, preparing for The Cobra. Mark Henry tagged in though, head butts Marella and finishes him with the World's Strongest Slam.
Winners via Pin fall: David Otunga & Mark Henry
Post match, Otunga & Henry double-team Santino until Kofi Kingston & R-Truth run out for the save, however they are quickly dismayed of. The Raw General Manager introduces Henry as the newest member (along with Otunga) of "Team Laurinaitis."
Commercials.
Segment #3: T.V. Promo
A plug for the television show "Psych" airs, guest-starring "The Awesome One" The Miz. (It is shown on Wednesday, March 14 at 10pm eastern, for those interested. I am not.)
A replay, short clip of John Cena's awesome rap from earlier is shown too.
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Segment #4: Backstage Promo
Eve Torres is walking through the hallway when Zack Ryder embraces. "Long-Island Ice-Z" questions if Eve is "playing" him, since he never returned his calls. Torres replies by asking just to be "friends with benefits." Ryder is ok with this and Beth Phoenix, the WWE Divas Champion, interrupts to ask if she could be the same. Eve rejects, claiming Zack for herself.
Segment #5: Office Promo
"Big Johnny" is on his cell phone with the Board Of Directors, when The Miz (along with his co-star for "Psych" James Roday) interjects and inquires when he will be named as a member of "Team Laurinaitis." The Raw G.M. tells him that he has to win his match VS. WWE Champion C.M. Punk tonight and Miz will be a part of the bout at WrestleMania.
Up next, The "Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay returns after a long hiatus. (Somebody call their mama!)
Match #3: Single - Jinder Mahal VS. The "Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay (with the "Funkettes" - Cameron & Naomi)
Jinder ambushes Clay from he hinder with blows to the back, but soon gets head butted across the ring! T-Bone suplex and a huge splash (no pun intended!) seal the victory for Brodus!
Winner via Pin Fall: The "Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay
Post match, Clay celebrates as only Clay can!
Following the next break, Shawn Michaels is on his way out!
Commercials.
Segment #6: Arena Promo
The "Heartbreak Kid" and WWE Hall-Of-Famer Shawn Michaels is back again! Michaels enters in his usual style before getting down to business. Shawn claims that it will truly be an "end of an era" when Triple H & The Undertaker are locked inside the Hell In The Cell at WrestleMania XXVIII.
Michaels reviews the promo he had with Triple H last week, where HHH suggested that Shawn was a failure because he couldn't close the deal with The Undertaker almost two years ago. "Mr. WrestleMania" rejects those accusations, as he says that NO ONE has told him so backstage whatsoever. He then calls out The Undertaker to "settle this."
GONG! The eerily familiar music and bells of "The Deadman" fill the arena speakers, as the lights turn into a purple/blue color. Undertaker walks to the ring with a cold stare gazed at Michaels. Shawn recaps their history of mutual respect together, including two-in-a-row show stopping (pardon the pun) matches at WrestleMania.
"The Icon" wonders why Undertaker couldn't tell him to his face that he is a loser and failure. 'Taker retorts and tells Shawn he needs to let go of his insecurities. Michaels basically calls him a hypocrite, because Undertaker is still in search of validation ever since Triple H "beat you within an inch of your life." And that's why Shawn knows who's going to win.
'Taker says he is prepared to accept whatever outcome plays out at WrestleMania - win or lose - but he will not accept Shawn's ego in this match. On April 1st, (or April 21st as Undertaker misspoke), that destiny will happen, but the outcome must be pure. If it is not, Undertaker promises that there will be "hell to pay."
Shawn questions the word "destiny" and changes it with the word "irony," since that the one man's career who Undertaker put out to pasture is the one guy that can do that to Undertaker. Shawn can end the streak. 'Taker grabs Shawn's arm and proclaims that he will "end an era," and the streak will continue. "If you don't do the right thing," he tells Shawn up close and personal, "I will officially end you."
HBK walks off, leaving Undertaker looking satisfied in the ring. At the stage, Triple H walks out and he & Shawn look at each other before Michaels goes to the back. "The Game" stares at Undertaker then gives the "suck it" sign to him before exiting himself.
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Match #4: Single - The Miz VS. WWE Champion C.M. Punk (Non-Title)
Lock up (hey, first one tonight!) begins with a head lock roll-over-taken down by Miz. C.M. measures up and kicks quickly, but then gets a knee-to-the-gut for a break.
Commercials.
Back from plugs, Miz has an abdominal stretch submission gripped on. Punk rolls through it with an arm drag, and delivers a roundhouse kick followed with a spring board clothesline. Knees/bulldog combo out of the corner and Punk is got the advantage. He tries a G.T.S., which Miz fights out of, but the "Straight-Edge Superstar" gives him a calf-kick for a 2-count!
Another run-in-the-corner attempt by Punk, but Miz counters, tossing him into the turnbuckle and driving him with a hard DDT. 1 - 2 - kick out by Punk! Miz ascends the top rope but misses. Both try their initial finishers, but "The Second City Saint" prevails with the Anaconda Vice submission to make The Miz tap!
Winner via Submission: WWE Champion C.M. Punk
Segment #7: Video/Arena Promo
Chris Jericho appears on the Titantron congratulating Punk on the win. However, that joy lasts only for a few, since he then reveals a big secret about C.M. While he lives the straight-edge lifestyle, not all his family was. Jericho informs us that Punk's father was an alcoholic, and then gets under Punk's skin, encouraging him to follow in daddy's footsteps, become an alcoholic with drink after drink after drink.
Jericho declares that after WrestleMania, he will be the new WWE Champion while C.M. Punk will just be a "pathetic, damn drunk." Punk leaves the ring flustered, astonished, and embarrassed despite cheers of his name from the fans.
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Match #5: Single - The "All-American-American" Jack Swagger (with Vickie Guerrero) VS. "The Viper" Randy Orton
Waist lock takedown from Swagger and fireman's carry from Jack begins this bout. Orton quickly retaliates with one of his own and stomps. He beautifully drop kicks Swagger and sends him flying outside the ring. He then throws him hard into the steel steps, bounces his face off the announce table, then chucks him back in the ring. Orton is in control for the break.
Commercials.
We return and find the tables turned with Swagger dominate now, courtesy of an arm lock and drop kick to Orton's knee. Big scoop slam from the "All-American-American" but Orton rolls out of the way from the springboard Swaggerbomb. Jack recovers and catches Randy in the Ankle Lock but Orton gets out of it and soon gives a suplex off the top rope!
Now Orton is "in the zone" with massive clotheslines and a powerslam. Slingshot DDT is dropped on Swagger followed by an R.K.O. to complete the contest!
Winner via Pin fall: "The Viper" Randy Orton
As he goes to pose on the turnbuckle, Kane's pyro blows and the lights dim to red. No Kane appearance though, just mind games.
Up next is The Rock Concert!
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Next week, all three wrestlers - The Undertaker, Triple H, and special referee Shawn Michaels - involved in the "End Of An Era" match will be in the arena. Also, John Cena will face off against Mark Henry 1 - 1!
Segment #8: Arena Promo
It's time! It's time to play "The Rock Concert." The self-proclaimed "most-electrifying man in sports-entertainment" is out with his guitar. The Rock goes through his usual shtick first, then informs us that Cleveland has broken a record for the largest sell-out crowd. He points to the goose bumps on his arm.
Rock now focuses on John Cena. He tells us that the John Cena we saw tonight was the real one, since the Cena we've been seeing for the last 8 years was the result of Vanilla Ice "banging" a Teletubbi! Rock even shows a "Vanilla Ice picture + a Teletubbie = John Cena."
The Rock now sits and gets into his concert, again which I will completely (almost) quote to give it justice:
"Warren threw a party and spent some big bucks. Didn't invite Cena 'cause he totally sucks. Cena starting rapping, it all went south. Know your role jabronie and shut your mouth. Let's rock. Everybody let's rock. Cena's got a menstrual clock but went dancing because Cleveland rocks. Little fruity pebble from Newbury, Mass. Rock'll take his boot and shove it up his ass. Bet your all happy listening to me and not some goofy Eminem wannabe. Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Ain't no balls down in Cena's jock, but we're dancing 'cause Cleveland rocks."
Rock breaks into another song about Cena's doctor's appointment:
"Little Johnny Cena went to the doc. Rock punched his jaw and the pain wouldn't stop. Doc said 'Cena, you know I'm a fan, but please stop begging for that rectal exam!' Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Cena close up that smock, but we're dancing 'cause Cleveland rocks!"
Gossip time, courtesy of The Rock:
"Rock saw Cena making out with Eve. Grabbing on her thigh, tugging on her weave. Cena was having the time of his life. I guess he didn't tell her that he's got a wife! Let's rock. Everybody, let's rock. Divorce lawyer's right up the block, but we're dancing 'cause Cleveland rocks."
The day John Cena was born:
"April 23rd, 1977, the doctor shouted send that baby back to Heaven. Sorry Mama Cena, but check these charts. Little baby Johnny's got lady parts. Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Little Johnny's got them lady parts, but we're dancing 'cause Cleveland rocks."
Rock pokes fun at Cena fans:
"Doesn't really matter how hard you try - never in your life will you ever taste pie. And though you love Chewbacca and Frodo too, but you're a walking virgin and you're forty-two! Let's rock, everybody let's rock. You dress like Kirk & Spock, but we're dancing 'cause Cleveland rocks."
Rock serenades a very special lady:
"Rock's getting some wine and a dozen roses. She's going to meet my Holy Moses. Gettin' with The Rock is the bomb. You don't believe me? Ask Cena's mom! Let's rock, everybody let's rock. Cena's mom can barely walk, but we're dancing 'cause Cleveland rocks. I said one more time, Cena's mom can barely walk, but we're dancing 'cause CLEVELAND ROCKS!"
Rock takes off the guitar and picks up the microphone. There's only one way to end the night and The Rock Concert. It is a song for "Team Bring It," for the people, and the millions (and millions) of The Rock's fans. 18,000 strong this is the song to sing:
"We Will Rock You" by Queen is bastardized by The Rock and Cleveland fans with lyrics changed to make fun of John Cena and put over The Rock. "If ya smell, what The Rock is cooking!"
End Of Raw.
Reporter's Ramblings - WWE other reporters
Another week down is another week closer to WrestleMania XXVIII and another decent show, although not as great as the week before. Still, the build for the "Grand Daddy Of Them All" is great.
Excellence: John Cena - the old-school rap gimmick was back and felt real. That is the true Cena and he really got it going tonight. Again, Cena 3, Rock 0 in the "war of words."
Dolph Ziggler VS. Sheamus - didn't matter who won/lost, (although yes, you pretty much knew it would be Sheamus since he has a major W.M. 28 role), as these two have great in-ring chemistry and put on the match of the night. Love to see Ziggler challenge Sheamus for the World Title next. (Yes, there's a bold prediction two weeks advanced!)
Big Johnny's various interactions. Brodus Clay getting the "nod" again and returning - personality and the fans like him. HBK/Undertaker promo, with Triple H at end - well done and much like Cena, felt real. Not sure which match I'm more into right now, Cena/Rock or the H.I.A.C.? Hmmm....definitely both have intrigue and that is how you marquee big bouts!
Miz/C.M. Punk wrestled well and liked the sadistic mind of Jericho to try and unease the WWE Champion before their match. And the "Straight-Edge Superstar" reacted perfectly to that "revelation."
Bogus: Zack Ryder/Eve, Mixed/Handicap tag, & Randy Orton/Swagger (although great wrestling) really did nothing and pointless. The Rock Concert - except for a couple lines, really just didn't feel it. Again, it was the same "juvenile" cheap-shots and been there/done that by The Rock. Even though Cena's could be argued as the same, his still felt fresh because that level of him has not been seen in almost 8 and a bit years, where as The Rock has been on more frequently and doing the same-old-same-old for months now.
In general though, still an adequate edition and it did help me get even more enthusiastic for WrestleMania as the weeks pass by. Until seven days from now in the "City Of Brotherly Love," as always, Be Excellent Wrestling-Online readers and wrestling fans!
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