Smackdown TV report for 03/09/2012

Reported by Earnest I Aguilar Zevallos

The Smack is being laid Down for us tonight in Uncasville Connecticut. The show begins with John Laurinaitis and David Otunga standing in the middle of the ring and a steel cage overhead. Laurinaitis is the special General Manager of SmackDown tonight, just as Teddy Long was GM for Raw this past Monday. Laurinaitis announces the first match of the night: a steel cage match for the US title!

Match #1: Santino Marella (current US champ) versus Jack Swagger. 

Santino speed-walks around the ring and does the trumpet from his back on the announce table before the match. Swagger comes to the ring with Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler. The match gets underway and Swagger is pursuing Santino. Santino keeps away from Swagger briefly, but is eventually cornered and pummeled by the All American American. Swagger whips Santino hard into the opposite corner, slams him to the mat and then covers him for a 2 count. 

Swagger hits Santino with an elbow to the gut and then slams him into the steel cage. Swagger clotheslines Santino and then whips Santino into the ropes. Santino ducks under the next two clothesline attempts and tries to run up the cage and escape. Swagger tries to stop Santino, and Santino jumps at Swagger. Swagger catches Santino and throws him into the cage. 

Santino appears dazed and Swagger is taunting him. Swagger puts his hand on Santino's head, preventing the much shorter Santino from landing a punch. Santino finally does get inside and lands a punch, and then follows up with a high hip toss. Santino takes out the cobra and puts it on his hand. 

Dolph Ziggler jumps up to the edge of the cage in an attempt to distract Santino. Santino hits Dolph's hands with the cobra, causing Dolph to fall to the floor. Swagger comes up behind Santino to deliver a suplex, but Santino hits him with the Cobra as they both fall to the canvas. Dolph Ziggler is still clutching his hands in pain and is thrown out by the referee. 

Commercial

When we return, Swagger whips Santino into the ropes and kicks him in the gut. Swagger grabs Santino's cobra and throws it out of the ring! Santino tries to roll Swagger up for a quick pin, but Swagger kicks out. Santino tries another roll up and Swagger again kicks out. Swagger trips Santino into the corner and then hits him with a Swagger bomb. Swagger goes for a cover but gets only two. Swagger starts to climb up the ropes to escape the cage, but Santino pulls on the top rope, causing Swagger to fall. 

Santino goes for a cover but Swagger kicks out. Santino tries to climb out of the cage and starts to make his way over the top when Swagger grabs his leg and pulls him back. Swagger lands a pair of punches to Santino's back as both men try to maintain their balance. Swagger slaps Santino hard across the face, and Santino responds with a punch. Swagger tries to pick Santino up, but Santino hits him with a DDT. Santino crawls towards the door but Swagger grabs his foot. Santino kicks Swagger off and almost makes it out; his hands touch the floor but his feet never do. 

Swagger grabs Santino's foot and applies the ankle lock. Vickie tries to slam the steel door in Santino's face, but Santino rolls out of the ankle lock and sends Swagger face first into the door. Vickie accidentally slams the door in Swagger's face instead of Santino's, and Santino exits the cage to retain his US title! 

Later in the show, Michael Cole will interview Heavyweight champion Daniel Bryan and his WrestleMania opponent, Sheamus. Also later in the show will be a six man tag match with Bryan, Rhodes, and the Miz against Sheamus, the Big Show, and Randy Orton. 

Commercial

When we return, David Otunga and John Laurinaitis are meeting with Teddy Long. Laurinaitis tells Teddy that he's going to put his girlfriend Aksana in a match tonight with Kane, as payback for Teddy pushing Laurinaitis recently. Teddy is horrified and asks Laurinaitis to put their differences aside. 

John orders Teddy to say please, and then orders him to apologize. Teddy does, but it's not enough for John. John also wants to face Teddy tonight in a match, and if Teddy wins, Aksana has to fight Kane. John obviously wants Teddy to lie down, but why couldn't Teddy just lose by DQ? He could just kick Laurinaitis in the nuts right after the bell rings and then beat him with a chair. 

Laurinaitis wins by DQ, Aksana doesn't have to fight Kane, and Teddy gets to inflict some punishment on a hated rival! I don't think Laurinaitis has thought this through. 

Commercial

Drew McIntyre walks to the ring with a mic in hand. Drew was fired last week by Teddy Long, but apparently this week's GM John Laurinaitis has decided to give Drew one more chance if he can beat a mystery opponent tonight. The Great Khali is introduced and Drew looks scared. David Otunga comes out and tells Khali to have a seat, because Drew's real opponent is Hornswoggle.

Match #2: Drew McIntyre versus Hornswoggle. 

Drew bodyslams Hornswoggle a couple times and pins him, but pulls Hornswoggle's head up before the three count. After a couple minutes of beatings, the ref stops the match because Hornswoggle is unconscious and declares Drew the winner. Drew gets his job back. =After the match, the Great Khali reminds us all he is still there but knocking out Drew with a big chop to the head. 

In the back, Aksana is begging Teddy not to make her fight Kane. Teddy thinks Laurinaitis has insulted him as a man and he's going to make him pay. Aksana seems frightened that Teddy is going to beat Laurinaitis and force her to fight Kane. Has no one thought of just kicking Johnny in the nuts? Or beating him with a chair? It just seems like a such a perfect, obvious solution. 

Commercial

Match #3: Mark Henry versus Ezekiel Jackson. 

The two men exchange several big punches to start things off. Jackson tries to lift Henry up into the rack but fails. Henry beats Jackson down and then bodyslams him. Henry misses with an elbow, and Jackson lands a pair of clotheslines. Henry runs over Jackson and then finishes him off with the World's Strongest Slam for the win. 

Commercial

Match #4: John Laurinaitis versus Teddy Long. 

Aksana appears terrified, Teddy looks determined. John tries to talk Teddy out of fighting and orders him to lie down, Teddy refuses. Teddy has still NOT kicked John in the nuts so I must assume he is a moron. John reminds Teddy that Kane is in the back and is ready to brutalize Aksana. 

Kane's music hits and Kane walks to the ring while Aksana cowers behind Teddy. Before Kane can enter the ring, Randy Orton comes out of nowhere and RKO's Kane! Teddy comes up behind Laurinaitis and rolls him up for the win! 

Teddy and Aksana celebrate and Laurinaitis fumes. I don't know why Laurinaitis is letting Aksana off so easy; Kane is out, he's not dead. There is still nearly an hour left in the show, I'm sure would only need a few minutes to recover enough to handle Aksana. And I still don't get why Teddy didn't kick Laurinaitis in the nuts. Sure, Teddy won the match, but so what? It was just a roll up, he didn't hurt him, he didn't get any real revenge, and there was nothing else at stake. 

Teddy didn't win any prize; in fact, if Laurinaitis had just been willing to wait for Kane to get back up, Teddy would have been responsible for Kane mauling his girlfriend. Since Teddy was too stupid to violently get himself disqualified, and Laurinaitis was too stupid to wait for Kane to get up, I think neither of them should be General Manager; I should. Write to Vince at WWE.com if you agree, I'd appreciate it. 

Commercial

Match #5: Kofi Kingston and R Truth versus Epico and Primo with Rosa Mendes. 

Kofi and Epico start things off. Epico lands a punch and whips Kofi to the ropes. Kofi monkey flips Epico and tags in Truth. Truth and Kofi hit Epico with a double team hip toss. Truth does a split and a little dance before hitting Epico with a leg drop. Truth tags in Kofi and then hits Epico with a spinning side kick. Kofi goes for a cover and gets 2. 

Kofi runs to the ropes, but Primo pulls them open and Kofi falls to the floor. Primo slams Kofi's face into the side of the ring and then rolls him in. Primo mounts Kofi and pounds on him and then tags in Epico. Epico and Kofi exchange punches; Epico gets the advantage and covers Kofi for two. Epico puts Kofi in an abdominal stretch and punches him several times in the gut. 

Kofi escapes and makes a tag, but the ref doesn't see it and doesn't allow it. Kofi finally escapes and tags in Truth. Truth lands a clothesline, a couple punches, and a corkscrew elbow. All 4 men get in the ring, eventually Epico and Kofi taking their fight to the floor. The two legal men, Truth and Primo, remain in the ring. Truth hits Primo with a leaping reverse STO for the win. 

Commercial

When we return, Michael Cole is in the ring preparing to interview Daniel Bryan and Sheamus. Michael Cole asks Bryan how much of his title reign could be attributed to luck. Not surprisingly, Bryan replies that none of it is luck. He attributes his success to his healthy Vegan lifestyle, his knowledge and application of scientific wrestling, his charisma, and undeniable sex appeal. 

Cole tells Sheamus that some luck is required in the Royal Rumble, so maybe he could attribute his Royal Rumble win to the "luck of the Irish." Sheamus acknowledges that everyone is a little lucky sometimes, but he insists he makes his own luck but fighting his way to the top. He also accuses Daniel Bryan of hiding behind his girlfriend. 

AJ starts to speak but Bryan laughs and tells her to shut up. Bryan insists AJ has had nothing to do with his success, and instead has literally gotten in his way. Sheamus calls Bryan a wimp and promises to beat him at WrestleMania. Cody Rhodes comes out as Sheamus finishes speaking for the main event. 

Commercial

Match # 6: Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, and the Miz versus Sheamus, the Big Show, and Randy Orton. 

Sheamus and Cody start things off, with Cody quickly going behind Sheamus. Sheamus hits Cody with an elbow and then a shoulder block. Sheamus tags in Orton and Orton kicks Cody in the gut. Randy pushes Cody into the corner and then pummels him as the crowd counts off 10 punches to the head. Randy hits Cody with a clothesline and then stomps on him. 

Cody hits Orton with a standing dropkick and tags in Bryan. Bryan lands a series of stiff strikes and then hits Orton with a running dropkick in the corner. Bryan goes for a cover but Orton kicks out at 2. Orton hits Bryan with a standing dropkick and tags in the Big Show. Big Show hits Bryan with a headbutt, a punch, a hard whip to the corner, and a body slam. 

Bryan tags in Miz and Miz enters slowly and fearfully. Big Show cocks his fist and Miz falls over in fear and tags Cody. Cody tags Miz back in and the Big Show pulls Miz back into the ring. 

Commercial

When we return, Sheamus is pounding on the Miz. Sheamus hits Miz with a clothesline and covers him for a 2 count. Miz lands a punch, and then a long series of punches to Sheamus in the corner. Sheamus fights his way out and knocks Miz down with a double axe handle. Miz fights back with a kick, but Sheamus knocks him down with another double axe handle. Sheamus ties Miz up in the ropes and pounds his chest 10 times as the crowd counts along. 

Miz turns things around and dropkicks Sheamus to the floor. Daniel Bryan leaps off the edge of the ring to hit Sheamus in the face with a high knee. Daniel tags himself in and repeatedly pounds on Sheamus. The two men exchange a series of punches and kicks until Bryan tags in Miz. Miz lands a kick and tags in Cody. Cody stomps on Sheamus and tags Bryan back in. 

Bryan lands several stiff kicks and tags in the Miz. Miz stomps on Sheamus and puts him in a headlock. Sheamus fights back and starts to get the upper hand until Miz plants him with a DDT. Miz goes for a cover and gets only 2. Miz tags in Cody and Rhodes puts Sheamus in a full nelson. Sheamus powers out and lands an elbow. Cody puts Sheamus down with a knee and gets a 2 count. 

Cody tags Sheamus down with a leg sweep and then wraps up his arm and head. Sheamus powers out, hits Cody with a backbreaker, and then tags in Orton. Cody tags in the Miz and Orton clotheslines him twice. Orton hits Miz with a powerslam and then sets him up for a rope hung DDT. Daniel Bryan tries to make the save and Orton sets him up for a rope hung DDT. Bryan blocks the DDT and snaps Orton's neck down on the ropes. 

Sheamus knocks Bryan to the floor and then clotheslines him into the crowd. Miz and Orton are still the 2 legal men and Miz tries to take Orton out with the Skull Crushing Finale but Orton blocks it and hits Miz with the RKO. Orton covers the Miz for three; Orton, Big Show and Sheamus are declared the winners!

After the match, Kane attacks Orton. The two men exchange several punches and slam each others heads into the side of the ring apron. Orton slams Kane into the steel ring post. Kane retaliates by knocking Orton over the security barrier into the crowd. Kane pursues and the two men start brawling all over the arena. Kane and Orton are still beating on each other as SmackDown goes off the air.