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| Reported by Ernest I Aguilar |
The Smack is being Laid down for us tonight in Birmingham Alabama. The show begins with Ricardo Rodriguez introducing Alberto Del Rio. Alberto comes to the ring in another $100,000 car and tells the Alabama crowd that Southern people are a little "slow".
He explains that he is going to win the Royal Rumble and Main Event Wrestlemania. R Truth comes out and says Alberto has to earn a Royal Rumble victory, and Truth be told, the Truth says it will be him that wins it. Dashing Cody Rhodes comes out next and tells us the next Royal Rumble winner is going to be Dashing. Rey Mysterio comes out next and tells us he is the only one there that has actually won a Royal Rumble match, and he will do it again.
Cody says Rey's win is so "2006" and is out of fashion now, and that's the truth. R Truth objects to his catch phrase being used and takes a swing at Cody. All four men start brawling until Teddy Long comes out to break it up. He announces the 4 men will compete tonight in a tag team match: Alberto and Cody versus Rey and R Truth.
Commercial
Match: Cody and Alberto versus Rey and Truth. Rey and Cody start things off. Cody lands some strikes and shoulder blocks Rey in the corner, Rey turns it around and lands some strikes and shoulder blocks on Cody in the corner. Rey hits Cody with a dropkick and Cody tags in Alberto. Alberto lands a couple kicks and a snap mare before going for a cover.
Rey lands a kick and baseball slides under Del Rio. Del Rio grabs Rey and slides him under the bottom rope to the floor, fast and hard. Alberto goes after Rey and slams him into the security barrier before rolling him back in. Alberto tags in Cody and Cody hits Rey with a kick, and then misses a knee drop. Rey goes to the top rope but Cody heads him off and goes for a superplex.
Rey headbutts Cody off the ropes and downs him with a flying cross body. ody and Rey both make tags at the same time and R Truth and Alberto come in. Truth hits Alberto with a hip toss and a gordbuster and then clotheslines him out of the ring. Rey takes out Alberto and Cody outside the ring with a second rope cross body. Back in the ring the legal men are Truth and Cody. Cody suplexes Truth and then the two men exchange blows. Cody has the advantage and is stomping on R Truth.
After some more beating, Cody tags in Alberto and Alberto hits Truth with a dropkick and a belly to belly suplex. R Truth finally starts to fight back but Alberto knocks him back down and tags in Cody. Cody lands a pair of knees and a side Russian leg sweep then tries to submit Truth with a body scissors/armbar.
Truth makes it to his feet and drops Cody with an electric chair, both men are down. Truth tags in Rey and Rey hits Cody with a seated senton. After another exchange, Rey hits Cody with a top rope sunset flip and pin attempt, but Alberto makes the save. Truth knocks Alberto out of the ring, and Cody knocks the Truth out of the ring. Rey hits Cody with Cody with a hurricanrana, a 619, and a top rope splash for the win!
Later tonight: Wade Barrett V. Big Show, and Dolph and Vickie on the Cutting Edge.
Commercial
Straight Outta Brooklyn with JTG. Sucked. You're killing me JTG.
Next up, an interview with Wade Barrett. Barrett explains that when he was in Raw, he was like Caesar. He was such a successful conqueror that, like Caesar, his jealous underlings conspired against him. Tonight he is going to face the Big Show for the same reason he targeted Cena on Raw: Only the strongest and the biggest are worthy of his attention. Before the night is over, you will all Hail Caesar.
Commercial
When we return we see a video package promoting the impending arrival of Ezekiel Jackson.
Match: Trent Baretta versus Drew McIntyre.
Rematch from two weeks ago, when Trent tool a wicked bump outside the ring to end the match. Trent starts off strong, hitting Drew before the bell and landing a lot of strikes. But it doesn't last for long and Drew starts to dominate. Drew beats Trent down, drags him outside the ring, and slams him into the announce table, then hits him with a wicked backhand to the face.
Trent is down and Drew rolls him back into the ring. Cole predicts Trent will certainly lose. Trent does briefly regain the edge with a dropkick, but Drew beats him back down again, and Cole predicts that is probably the last bit of offense we will see from Trent. Drew picks Trent up for a press slam, but Trent slides down Drew's back and rolls him up for the win, Trent Baretta beats the Chosen One!
Commercial
When we return, Drew assaults Trent in the back, asking if he feels like a winner now. Kelly sees him attacking Trent and is disgusted. Drew said he knows it looks bad, but he was just going to ask for a rematch because he is so competitive. Kelly doesn't buy it, but Drew still insists he sincerely cares for Kelly. Kelly says she doesn't want to be with someone that takes pleasure in beating people up.
I think she is in the wrong line of work, as a wrestler isn't she supposed to like beating people up? Kelly ends this silly soap opera segment by telling Drew to grow up.
Match: Big Show versus Wade Barrett.
Big Show gets the early advantage with a boot, a chop, and a punch to the gut. After an Irish Whip, Wade gets the advantage with a dropkick to the knee. Big Show goes down and Wade viciously stomps him. Wade continues the beating for several minutes, focusing on Show's leg.
Eventually the Big Show catches one of Wade's boots from a kneeling position and knocks him over. Big Show takes over and starts to beat on Barrett with a chop and clotheslines. Big Show three times goes for a choke slam, the first time Barrett breaks free, the second time Barrett rakes Big Show's eyes, and the third time Barrett gets saved by Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel, the two Nexus member that refused CM Punks initiation.
Big Show holds the three of them off for a while until Ezekiel Jackson comes out. Ezekiel and Show face off for a minute until Slater, Gabriel, and Barrett jump the Bog Show again. Then Ezekiel clotheslines Big Show and then bodyslams him. After a 4 on 1 beat down, Justin Gabriel goes to the top and hits Big Show with his 450 splash. The 4 men celebrate in the ring over the fallen Big Show, raising each other's arms. It looks like Nexus Wolf pack is born!
Commercial
Match: Michelle McCool versus Beth Phoenix.
Beth Phoenix gets the early advantage, but the action goes back and forth pretty quickly. Michelle's big break comes when she knocks Beth off the top rope, injuring her leg. Despite the injury, Beth is almost able to pull off the "Glam Slam", but Michelle rolls through it and gets a near fall, but then Beth rolls through that and gets a roll up of her own and pins Michelle for the 3 count!
In the back Teddy Long is berating Vickie for her decisions the week before. Teddy gets a phone call and says excuse me, and Vickie angrily says "excuse ME!" (I think she may be pissed off at Teddy's blatant rip off of her catch phrase)
Teddy says he has to take the call because it deals with the Wade Barrett situation. Vickie and Dolph take the time to prepare for their Cutting Edge interview later with Edge, Vickie's ex husband. Dolph is worried Edge will try to stir things up, but Vickie is confident that their love is strong. Then they Eskimo kiss for what seemed like a half an hour, but in reality was about 12 seconds. They looked so happy, and so ridiculous.
Commercial
When we return, Kofi Kingston comes to the ring to celebrate his recent Intercontinental title. Kofi's celebration is cut short by Jack Swagger. Swagger comes to the ring to tell us this is going to be the year of the All American American, and he also describes how painful his ankle lock submission is. Kofi says that since Jack wants the IC title, and Kofi wants him to shut up, they should fight now.
Match: Kofi versus Jack Swagger.
The two men lock up and Swagger pushes Kofi to the corner but Kofi responds with a series of strikes. Swagger gets backed up against the ropes and Kofi charges in, but Swagger gets both boots up in Kofi's face and knocks him out of the ring.
Commercial
When we return Swagger has the advantage and is beating down Kofi. Kofi tries to punch his way out but Swagger clotheslines him down and hits him with a springboard back splash in the corner. Swagger launches Kofi across the ring and goes for another corner splash, but Kofi dodges this one.
Kofi lands another series of strikes. Swagger responds by picking Kofi up, and Kofi slips out and rolls Swagger up for an unsuccessful pin attempt. Swagger goes for the gut wrench powerbomb but Kofi blocks it. Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise but Jack ducks it. Swagger stomps on Kofi and picks him up, but Kofi slides off and hits him with a ranhei (Called SOS by Kofi) for the win!
This is the first time I've heard an announcer refer to the SOS as a ranhei, maybe Matt Striker has been reading my reports, I don't usually hear other people using that term. It's probably not true, but it's a nice thought.
Commercial
Edge is getting ready for his guests on his show, the Cutting Edge. Edge is telling us that last week, he had to face a monster, Kane, in a steel cage. This week, he has to face another monster, his ex wife Vickie.
Dolph and Vickie come to the ring looking mad. Edge asks Dolph about the controversy surrounding his #1 contenders match victory, and Vickie interrupts saying there is no controversy, Dolph is the legitimate #1 contender, and at the Royal Rumble PPV, he will beat Edge for the title.
Edge thinks Vickie still has the hots for him, but he explains that this ship has sailed. Dolph is offended and they are about to leave. Vickie says she was young and naive when she married Edge, and was trying to find herself. Edge reminds her that she is ten years older than him and wears a necklace that says "Cougar."
They are both pissed off at Edge, so he tells them to calm down, it's not like he called her a wild beast, or mentioned that you can go parasailing with her gigantic granny panties. Dolph and Vickie both angrily tell Edge she has lost a lot of weight and you really can't parasail with her panties anymore.
Vickie says she regrets ever marrying Edge, because Dolph is more of a man. She rolls a clip of Edge cheating on Vickie with their wedding planner. There is no mention of the fact that the wedding planner was current WWE Diva Alicia Fox. She did look very different then, maybe they think we all forgot.
Edge replies sadly that cheating is serious, and maybe Dolph is a better man than Edge. Then Edge shows a clip of Dolph making out with Vickie's ex-rookie Kaitlyn. Edge says he had a hard time making out her face because Dolph's head was in the way as they made out.
Vickie looks mad; Dolph tries to calm her down. Vickie is shrieking at Edge "It was our wedding day!!" and Dolph attack Edge. Edge hits Dolph in the face with a big boot, knocking him out of the ring. Then Edge confronts Vickie. For a second it looks like Edge is going to spear her, but then he just walks away. Vickie starts to taunt Edge, saying he can't touch her.
Edge re-enters the ring, and now it looks like he is going to spear her. He's pulling out his hair and setting up when Dolph grabs his leg and pulls him out of the ring. Dolph slams Edge into the security barrier, knocking him down. Dolph then picks up Edge and slams the back of his head hard into the steel steps. The show ends with Vickie and Dolph making out as Edge lay unconscious.
He explains that he is going to win the Royal Rumble and Main Event Wrestlemania. R Truth comes out and says Alberto has to earn a Royal Rumble victory, and Truth be told, the Truth says it will be him that wins it. Dashing Cody Rhodes comes out next and tells us the next Royal Rumble winner is going to be Dashing. Rey Mysterio comes out next and tells us he is the only one there that has actually won a Royal Rumble match, and he will do it again.
Cody says Rey's win is so "2006" and is out of fashion now, and that's the truth. R Truth objects to his catch phrase being used and takes a swing at Cody. All four men start brawling until Teddy Long comes out to break it up. He announces the 4 men will compete tonight in a tag team match: Alberto and Cody versus Rey and R Truth.
Commercial
Match: Cody and Alberto versus Rey and Truth. Rey and Cody start things off. Cody lands some strikes and shoulder blocks Rey in the corner, Rey turns it around and lands some strikes and shoulder blocks on Cody in the corner. Rey hits Cody with a dropkick and Cody tags in Alberto. Alberto lands a couple kicks and a snap mare before going for a cover.
Rey lands a kick and baseball slides under Del Rio. Del Rio grabs Rey and slides him under the bottom rope to the floor, fast and hard. Alberto goes after Rey and slams him into the security barrier before rolling him back in. Alberto tags in Cody and Cody hits Rey with a kick, and then misses a knee drop. Rey goes to the top rope but Cody heads him off and goes for a superplex.
Rey headbutts Cody off the ropes and downs him with a flying cross body. ody and Rey both make tags at the same time and R Truth and Alberto come in. Truth hits Alberto with a hip toss and a gordbuster and then clotheslines him out of the ring. Rey takes out Alberto and Cody outside the ring with a second rope cross body. Back in the ring the legal men are Truth and Cody. Cody suplexes Truth and then the two men exchange blows. Cody has the advantage and is stomping on R Truth.
After some more beating, Cody tags in Alberto and Alberto hits Truth with a dropkick and a belly to belly suplex. R Truth finally starts to fight back but Alberto knocks him back down and tags in Cody. Cody lands a pair of knees and a side Russian leg sweep then tries to submit Truth with a body scissors/armbar.
Truth makes it to his feet and drops Cody with an electric chair, both men are down. Truth tags in Rey and Rey hits Cody with a seated senton. After another exchange, Rey hits Cody with a top rope sunset flip and pin attempt, but Alberto makes the save. Truth knocks Alberto out of the ring, and Cody knocks the Truth out of the ring. Rey hits Cody with Cody with a hurricanrana, a 619, and a top rope splash for the win!
Later tonight: Wade Barrett V. Big Show, and Dolph and Vickie on the Cutting Edge.
Commercial
Straight Outta Brooklyn with JTG. Sucked. You're killing me JTG.
Next up, an interview with Wade Barrett. Barrett explains that when he was in Raw, he was like Caesar. He was such a successful conqueror that, like Caesar, his jealous underlings conspired against him. Tonight he is going to face the Big Show for the same reason he targeted Cena on Raw: Only the strongest and the biggest are worthy of his attention. Before the night is over, you will all Hail Caesar.
Commercial
When we return we see a video package promoting the impending arrival of Ezekiel Jackson.
Match: Trent Baretta versus Drew McIntyre.
Rematch from two weeks ago, when Trent tool a wicked bump outside the ring to end the match. Trent starts off strong, hitting Drew before the bell and landing a lot of strikes. But it doesn't last for long and Drew starts to dominate. Drew beats Trent down, drags him outside the ring, and slams him into the announce table, then hits him with a wicked backhand to the face.
Trent is down and Drew rolls him back into the ring. Cole predicts Trent will certainly lose. Trent does briefly regain the edge with a dropkick, but Drew beats him back down again, and Cole predicts that is probably the last bit of offense we will see from Trent. Drew picks Trent up for a press slam, but Trent slides down Drew's back and rolls him up for the win, Trent Baretta beats the Chosen One!
Commercial
When we return, Drew assaults Trent in the back, asking if he feels like a winner now. Kelly sees him attacking Trent and is disgusted. Drew said he knows it looks bad, but he was just going to ask for a rematch because he is so competitive. Kelly doesn't buy it, but Drew still insists he sincerely cares for Kelly. Kelly says she doesn't want to be with someone that takes pleasure in beating people up.
I think she is in the wrong line of work, as a wrestler isn't she supposed to like beating people up? Kelly ends this silly soap opera segment by telling Drew to grow up.
Match: Big Show versus Wade Barrett.
Big Show gets the early advantage with a boot, a chop, and a punch to the gut. After an Irish Whip, Wade gets the advantage with a dropkick to the knee. Big Show goes down and Wade viciously stomps him. Wade continues the beating for several minutes, focusing on Show's leg.
Eventually the Big Show catches one of Wade's boots from a kneeling position and knocks him over. Big Show takes over and starts to beat on Barrett with a chop and clotheslines. Big Show three times goes for a choke slam, the first time Barrett breaks free, the second time Barrett rakes Big Show's eyes, and the third time Barrett gets saved by Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel, the two Nexus member that refused CM Punks initiation.
Big Show holds the three of them off for a while until Ezekiel Jackson comes out. Ezekiel and Show face off for a minute until Slater, Gabriel, and Barrett jump the Bog Show again. Then Ezekiel clotheslines Big Show and then bodyslams him. After a 4 on 1 beat down, Justin Gabriel goes to the top and hits Big Show with his 450 splash. The 4 men celebrate in the ring over the fallen Big Show, raising each other's arms. It looks like Nexus Wolf pack is born!
Commercial
Match: Michelle McCool versus Beth Phoenix.
Beth Phoenix gets the early advantage, but the action goes back and forth pretty quickly. Michelle's big break comes when she knocks Beth off the top rope, injuring her leg. Despite the injury, Beth is almost able to pull off the "Glam Slam", but Michelle rolls through it and gets a near fall, but then Beth rolls through that and gets a roll up of her own and pins Michelle for the 3 count!
In the back Teddy Long is berating Vickie for her decisions the week before. Teddy gets a phone call and says excuse me, and Vickie angrily says "excuse ME!" (I think she may be pissed off at Teddy's blatant rip off of her catch phrase)
Teddy says he has to take the call because it deals with the Wade Barrett situation. Vickie and Dolph take the time to prepare for their Cutting Edge interview later with Edge, Vickie's ex husband. Dolph is worried Edge will try to stir things up, but Vickie is confident that their love is strong. Then they Eskimo kiss for what seemed like a half an hour, but in reality was about 12 seconds. They looked so happy, and so ridiculous.
Commercial
When we return, Kofi Kingston comes to the ring to celebrate his recent Intercontinental title. Kofi's celebration is cut short by Jack Swagger. Swagger comes to the ring to tell us this is going to be the year of the All American American, and he also describes how painful his ankle lock submission is. Kofi says that since Jack wants the IC title, and Kofi wants him to shut up, they should fight now.
Match: Kofi versus Jack Swagger.
The two men lock up and Swagger pushes Kofi to the corner but Kofi responds with a series of strikes. Swagger gets backed up against the ropes and Kofi charges in, but Swagger gets both boots up in Kofi's face and knocks him out of the ring.
Commercial
When we return Swagger has the advantage and is beating down Kofi. Kofi tries to punch his way out but Swagger clotheslines him down and hits him with a springboard back splash in the corner. Swagger launches Kofi across the ring and goes for another corner splash, but Kofi dodges this one.
Kofi lands another series of strikes. Swagger responds by picking Kofi up, and Kofi slips out and rolls Swagger up for an unsuccessful pin attempt. Swagger goes for the gut wrench powerbomb but Kofi blocks it. Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise but Jack ducks it. Swagger stomps on Kofi and picks him up, but Kofi slides off and hits him with a ranhei (Called SOS by Kofi) for the win!
This is the first time I've heard an announcer refer to the SOS as a ranhei, maybe Matt Striker has been reading my reports, I don't usually hear other people using that term. It's probably not true, but it's a nice thought.
Commercial
Edge is getting ready for his guests on his show, the Cutting Edge. Edge is telling us that last week, he had to face a monster, Kane, in a steel cage. This week, he has to face another monster, his ex wife Vickie.
Dolph and Vickie come to the ring looking mad. Edge asks Dolph about the controversy surrounding his #1 contenders match victory, and Vickie interrupts saying there is no controversy, Dolph is the legitimate #1 contender, and at the Royal Rumble PPV, he will beat Edge for the title.
Edge thinks Vickie still has the hots for him, but he explains that this ship has sailed. Dolph is offended and they are about to leave. Vickie says she was young and naive when she married Edge, and was trying to find herself. Edge reminds her that she is ten years older than him and wears a necklace that says "Cougar."
They are both pissed off at Edge, so he tells them to calm down, it's not like he called her a wild beast, or mentioned that you can go parasailing with her gigantic granny panties. Dolph and Vickie both angrily tell Edge she has lost a lot of weight and you really can't parasail with her panties anymore.
Vickie says she regrets ever marrying Edge, because Dolph is more of a man. She rolls a clip of Edge cheating on Vickie with their wedding planner. There is no mention of the fact that the wedding planner was current WWE Diva Alicia Fox. She did look very different then, maybe they think we all forgot.
Edge replies sadly that cheating is serious, and maybe Dolph is a better man than Edge. Then Edge shows a clip of Dolph making out with Vickie's ex-rookie Kaitlyn. Edge says he had a hard time making out her face because Dolph's head was in the way as they made out.
Vickie looks mad; Dolph tries to calm her down. Vickie is shrieking at Edge "It was our wedding day!!" and Dolph attack Edge. Edge hits Dolph in the face with a big boot, knocking him out of the ring. Then Edge confronts Vickie. For a second it looks like Edge is going to spear her, but then he just walks away. Vickie starts to taunt Edge, saying he can't touch her.
Edge re-enters the ring, and now it looks like he is going to spear her. He's pulling out his hair and setting up when Dolph grabs his leg and pulls him out of the ring. Dolph slams Edge into the security barrier, knocking him down. Dolph then picks up Edge and slams the back of his head hard into the steel steps. The show ends with Vickie and Dolph making out as Edge lay unconscious.
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