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| Reported by Ernest I Aguilar |
The Smack is being Laid Down for us this week in Norfolk Virginia. The main event for tonight's show will be Kane versus Edge. The winner will be able to pick the stipulation for their match at the Table Ladders and Chairs pay per view. Edge has been in 6 of the 10 TLC matches in WWE history.
The ending for tonight's main event and the stipulation that will be picked seems outrageously obvious; but I'm not going to give it away yet just in case you aren't bright enough to see where this is headed.
Rey Mysterio comes out first and walks to a ring filled with ladders. Rey tells us he wanted to be King of the Ring, but was screwed by Alberto Del Rio. Alberto was later screwed by Rey, so I guess that makes them even; but somehow I don't think it's going to end there. Rey climbs to the top of the ladder and tells us that while Alberto likes to travel in fancy cars, Rey prefers to fly.
Alberto comes out at this point in one of his fancy cars and enters the ring to confront Rey. Alberto climbs the ladder so he can see Rey face to face and says he could put Rey in the hospital again. Rey says he's not afraid; he claims to be fully recovered from all his injuries and says he wants to fight right now. Alberto says that's not going to happen because he's already beaten Rey.
Rey says he's already talked to Teddy and they're going to wrestle at the TLC match, then he knocks Alberto off the ladder. Alberto retaliates by tipping the ladder over and knocking Rey off. The two brawl some more until finally Rey puts Alberto through a table with a leap from the ring apron.
Commercial
Dolph Ziggler is accompanied to the ring by his sweetheart Vickie Guerrero. Vickie seems happy until her former Rookie, NXT Season 4 winner Kaitlyn comes out. Dolph congratulates Kaitlyn on winning the show and being named the newest Smackdown Diva, but Vickie is furiously jealous and angrily tells Dolph to come with her to the ring.
Match #1: Dolph and Drew McIntyre versus MVP and Kaval.
Kaval and Drew are the first two in the ring. After feeling each other out Kaval tags MVP and Drew tags Dolph in. Dolph and Drew both get knocked out of the ring and Kaval comes running across MVP's back to fly over the top rope and hit both of his opponents at the same time.
Commercial
When we return Dolph is in control and beating MVP down on the mat, grinding his boot into MVP's head. MVP gets to his feet and turns things around with a pair of clotheslines. Dolph goes to the ground after a chop to the throat and MVP sets up the "ball in" elbow drop. Drew distracts MVP and Dolph takes his leg out. Dolph tags Drew in and Drew stomps MVP's leg repeatedly, then stomps his head. Drew tags Dolph back in; they double team MVP with a wishbone split and Dolph covers him for a two count. Dolph and Drew tag in and out and continue to double team MVP, focusing on his legs. MVP is eventually able to break free and tag Kaval.
Kaval comes in on fire and lands a series of kicks to Dolph. Outside the ring MVP and Drew are battling each other. Back in the ring, Dolph tries to finish Kaval off with the sleeper hold bit Kaval is able to reverse it and put Dolph in a Dragon Sleeper. Vickie comes up to the ring to create a distraction and Dolph is able to hit Kaval with the Zig Zag for the win.
Before anyone has time to leave the ring Kane comes out. Kane choke slams MVP and Tombstones Kaval. Kane is angrily insisting that he will not leave the ring until Edge returns Paul Bearer to him.
Edge appears on the Titan Tron and appears sympathetic. It sounds like Edge feels bad. He tells us that Paul wants to go home and that if Kane wants him, he can come to the loading dock right now and get him. Kane, like a big moron, falls for this ploy again.
Commercial
Back from the break we hear Paul Bearer crying out for Kane. This week Edge crushes a fake Paul Bearer with storage boxes then later on kills another Paul Bearer dummy by throwing him down a flight of stairs. This is starting to remind me of all the fake suicides in "Harold and Maude".
Commercial
Match#2: Kofi Kingston versus Jack Swagger: winner becomes #1 contender for Intercontinental title.
The two men start mat wrestling and Swagger gets the early advantage as Kofi rolls to the ropes to force a break. After another grappling exchange Kofi hits Jack with a monkey flip and they square off again. Jack gets behind Kofi but Kofi reverses it. Swagger tries for another takedown and Kofi tries to hit "Trouble In Paradise" but Swagger backs away.
Swagger attacks Kofi but Kofi fights him off and goes on offense. Kofi hits a series of kicks and chops and a punt to the chest. Kofi goes to the top rope but Swagger knocks him off. Swagger goes for a cover and gets 2 as Kofi gets a foot on the rope. Kofi rolls out of the ring as we go to commercial.
Commercial
When we return Swagger is in control and working on Kofi's arms, then switches to a chin lock. Kofi punches his way out but Swagger clips his leg and takes him down. Swagger beats Kofi down, pressing his head and neck down onto the ropes with his boot. Swagger goes for another submission attempt and Kofi tries to punch his way out. Swagger ducks a Kofi punch and applies an abdominal stretch. Swagger releases the hold and beats Kofi down on the mat.
Swagger then puts Kofi in a front chancery and gator-rolls him out of the ring. Jack works on Kofi's bad leg from outside the ring while Kofi is on the ring apron at the edge of the ring. Kofi rolls out of the ring backwards feet first and gets Swagger in a hurricanrana that sends him into the steel steps.
Kofi then leaps over the steps to hit Swagger with a Superman punch and both men go down. Kofi gets back in first and Swagger is nearly counted out. Kofi attacks Swagger coming in and hits him with a pair of clotheslines and a dropkick before covering him for a count of two. Swagger gets to his feet and tries to hit Kofi with a gut wrench powerbomb but Kofi blocks it by holding Swagger's leg.
Kofi tries to roll out but is knocked down by a Swagger boot. Swagger goes for a cover but gets only 2 and throws Kofi to the corner. As Swagger comes after Kofi, Kofi trips Swagger into the corner. Kofi leaps onto Swagger in the corner and attacks. Swagger makes his way out of the corner and Kofi hits him with a VERY high flying cross body and gets a two count.
Kofi sets Swagger up for the Trouble in Paradise but Swagger dodges. Swagger goes for the ankle lock as Kofi tries to get away. Swagger ends up pushing Kofi out of the ring. As Swagger starts to climb out of the ring, Kofi hits him with the Trouble in Paradise from the floor.
Swagger gets knocked back through the ropes into the middle of the ring and Kofi goes in and covers him for three! Kofi is the new #1 contender for the IC title.
Kane is still chasing Edge and Paul Bearer, and Edge is still faking Paul's murder to torture Kane. I think Edge has been more evil to Kane than the Undertaker ever was. Maybe Edge is the Devil's favorite demon now?
Commercial
Match#3: Cody Rhodes versus Chris Masters.
The announcers are telling us that Masters has been on a roll lately and has been rewarded with a coaching spot on the next season of NXT. I wonder how they define "being on a roll" because Masters never wins anymore.
He doesn't even make his pectorals dance to the tune of Crazy Train anymore. As the match begins Cody attacks first and beats on Masters in the corner until Masters throws him off. Masters puts the Master Lock on Rhodes early but Cody makes it to the ropes.
Cody regains the advantage with some strikes and a side Russian leg sweep. Cody presses the advantage by locking up Masters arm and chin on the mat but Masters is able to power out and hit Cody with a Samoan drop. Masters lands a punch and a pair of clotheslines and a back body drop. When Cody gets back up Masters hits him with a chop and whips him to the corner. Cody comes flying out of the corner and hits Masters with the "Beautiful Disaster" and follows it up with the "Cross Rhodes" for the win.
Commercial
Match #4: Rosa versus Layla. Layla begins mocking Rosa's exercise routines and Rosa attacks her. Layla fights back and lands several punches before going for a cover. Rosa kicks out quickly and when she gets to her feet she slaps Layla across the face. Michelle McCool jumps up onto the ring apron and Rosa knocks her off by throwing Layla into her.
When Layla comes back off the ropes, she hits Rosa with the "Layout" (neckbreaker) for the win. Team Laycool looks ready to put a beating on Rosa when Hornswoggle comes out to help. LayCool mocks Hornswoggle's height by walking around on their knees, until Beth Phoenix comes out to help and takes out Team Laycool with an assist from Hornswoggle.
The Swagger soaring Eagle comes out to confront Hornswoggle next; they've had a mini feud ever since Hornswoggle was made SmackDown's mascot. Inside the ring we now have a midget, a female bodybuilder, and a guy dressed up in a bird costume. Doesn't that sound like the start to a cheezy joke? Beth takes out the Eagle with the "Glam slam", an elevated double chicken wing wheelbarrow face buster. Hornswoggle finishes the Eagle off with a tadpole splash.
Commercial
When we return we are shown a recap of Michael Cole helping the Miz defeat Jerry Lawler. Cole promises to talk more about this on Monday.
Match #5: Kane versus Edge; winner gets to pick the stipulation to their match at the Tables Ladders and Chairs Pay per View. Remember at the start of this recap I said this was going to be painfully obvious?
Kane is in the ring first, then Edge. Kane looks angry and immediately goes after Edge. Edge runs out of the ring, Kane pursues, Edge runs back in, and then Edge dropkicks Kane as Kane tries to re-enters the ring. Kane falls back out of the ring and Edge pursues.
Edge tries to jump on Kane from the ring apron but Kane catches him and slams him to the ring apron. Kane is now in control and punches Edge outside the ring and continues the assault when they re-enter the ring. Edge punches back and regains control until a big uppercut from Kane floors Edge. Kane hits a seated Edge in the face with a dropkick and follows up with 3 elbow drops and then a knee to the head.
Kane start working on the head and arm of Edge on the mat. Edge makes it back to his feet and hits Kane with a big boot to the head and knocks him out of the ring. As Kane tries to make it back into the ring, Edge spears him off the ring apron back onto the floor.
Commercial
When we return Edge is on the top rope but Kane stops him and tries to set up a superplex. Edge fights Kane off with several head butts that send Kane crashing to the mat. Edge leaps off the turnbuckle onto Kane but Kane hits him with a big uppercut that flattens Edge.
Kane again works on Edge's neck and arm on the mat. Edge punches his way out of the hold and hits Kane with a flying forearm. Edge comes running at Kane again but this time Kane gets out of the way and sends Edge flying out of the ring. Kane slams Edge into the steps and then Kane gets back in the ring.
When Edge gets back up to the ring apron, Kane grabs his throat; but Edge escapes by yanking Kane's arm down across the top rope. Edge climbs to the top rope and flies at Kane, knocking him down. Edge goes for a cover but Kane kicks out. Edge hits a neck breaker and goes for another unsuccessful pin attempt.
Kane tries to pick Edge up but Edge floats over behind Kane and drops him with a Sit out rear mat slam. Edge whips Kane to the ropes but Kane reverses and hits a sidewalk slam on Edge and gets a two count. Kane goes to the top and hits Edge with a flying clothesline and sets up Edge for a choke slam. Edge escapes the choke slam attempt and hits Kane with a DDT for another 2 count.
Edge is setting Kane up for a spear but Kane clotheslines him and then prepares to choke slam Edge. Before he can hit the move, Paul Bearer is shown on the big screen begging Kane for help. Kane starts to leave, but pauses as he is about to be counted out. He appears torn, but eventually decides to go back to the ring and finish the match before looking for Paul Bearer.
Kane just barely makes it back in for the count of 10, but in the meantime Edge has recovered and he spears Kane as soon as he enters the ring for the win. Edge now gets to choose the stipulation. It's a Table Ladders and Chairs Pay per View and Edge has been in 6 of the 10 TLC matches in WWE history. Obviously, Edge decided to make it a Tables Ladders and Chairs match. It's too bad you can't bet on wrestling; I would have bet everything I own that is exactly how this match would end.
The show isn't quit over though. Edge says that since he has gotten what he wanted Kane can have what he wants to: Edge promises to return Paul Bearer to him. The wheelchair is left on the ramp with Paul Bearer still tied up, but when Kane gets there, it's not Paul Bearer, it's some random person made up to look like Paul.
Kane kicks the stranger in the face and goes after Edge and the real Paul Bearer. Kane finds Paul still in his wheelchair tied to the bed of a big flatbed truck. Before Kane can get close enough to free his father, the truck drives away.
The ending for tonight's main event and the stipulation that will be picked seems outrageously obvious; but I'm not going to give it away yet just in case you aren't bright enough to see where this is headed.
Rey Mysterio comes out first and walks to a ring filled with ladders. Rey tells us he wanted to be King of the Ring, but was screwed by Alberto Del Rio. Alberto was later screwed by Rey, so I guess that makes them even; but somehow I don't think it's going to end there. Rey climbs to the top of the ladder and tells us that while Alberto likes to travel in fancy cars, Rey prefers to fly.
Alberto comes out at this point in one of his fancy cars and enters the ring to confront Rey. Alberto climbs the ladder so he can see Rey face to face and says he could put Rey in the hospital again. Rey says he's not afraid; he claims to be fully recovered from all his injuries and says he wants to fight right now. Alberto says that's not going to happen because he's already beaten Rey.
Rey says he's already talked to Teddy and they're going to wrestle at the TLC match, then he knocks Alberto off the ladder. Alberto retaliates by tipping the ladder over and knocking Rey off. The two brawl some more until finally Rey puts Alberto through a table with a leap from the ring apron.
Commercial
Dolph Ziggler is accompanied to the ring by his sweetheart Vickie Guerrero. Vickie seems happy until her former Rookie, NXT Season 4 winner Kaitlyn comes out. Dolph congratulates Kaitlyn on winning the show and being named the newest Smackdown Diva, but Vickie is furiously jealous and angrily tells Dolph to come with her to the ring.
Match #1: Dolph and Drew McIntyre versus MVP and Kaval.
Kaval and Drew are the first two in the ring. After feeling each other out Kaval tags MVP and Drew tags Dolph in. Dolph and Drew both get knocked out of the ring and Kaval comes running across MVP's back to fly over the top rope and hit both of his opponents at the same time.
Commercial
When we return Dolph is in control and beating MVP down on the mat, grinding his boot into MVP's head. MVP gets to his feet and turns things around with a pair of clotheslines. Dolph goes to the ground after a chop to the throat and MVP sets up the "ball in" elbow drop. Drew distracts MVP and Dolph takes his leg out. Dolph tags Drew in and Drew stomps MVP's leg repeatedly, then stomps his head. Drew tags Dolph back in; they double team MVP with a wishbone split and Dolph covers him for a two count. Dolph and Drew tag in and out and continue to double team MVP, focusing on his legs. MVP is eventually able to break free and tag Kaval.
Kaval comes in on fire and lands a series of kicks to Dolph. Outside the ring MVP and Drew are battling each other. Back in the ring, Dolph tries to finish Kaval off with the sleeper hold bit Kaval is able to reverse it and put Dolph in a Dragon Sleeper. Vickie comes up to the ring to create a distraction and Dolph is able to hit Kaval with the Zig Zag for the win.
Before anyone has time to leave the ring Kane comes out. Kane choke slams MVP and Tombstones Kaval. Kane is angrily insisting that he will not leave the ring until Edge returns Paul Bearer to him.
Edge appears on the Titan Tron and appears sympathetic. It sounds like Edge feels bad. He tells us that Paul wants to go home and that if Kane wants him, he can come to the loading dock right now and get him. Kane, like a big moron, falls for this ploy again.
Commercial
Back from the break we hear Paul Bearer crying out for Kane. This week Edge crushes a fake Paul Bearer with storage boxes then later on kills another Paul Bearer dummy by throwing him down a flight of stairs. This is starting to remind me of all the fake suicides in "Harold and Maude".
Commercial
Match#2: Kofi Kingston versus Jack Swagger: winner becomes #1 contender for Intercontinental title.
The two men start mat wrestling and Swagger gets the early advantage as Kofi rolls to the ropes to force a break. After another grappling exchange Kofi hits Jack with a monkey flip and they square off again. Jack gets behind Kofi but Kofi reverses it. Swagger tries for another takedown and Kofi tries to hit "Trouble In Paradise" but Swagger backs away.
Swagger attacks Kofi but Kofi fights him off and goes on offense. Kofi hits a series of kicks and chops and a punt to the chest. Kofi goes to the top rope but Swagger knocks him off. Swagger goes for a cover and gets 2 as Kofi gets a foot on the rope. Kofi rolls out of the ring as we go to commercial.
Commercial
When we return Swagger is in control and working on Kofi's arms, then switches to a chin lock. Kofi punches his way out but Swagger clips his leg and takes him down. Swagger beats Kofi down, pressing his head and neck down onto the ropes with his boot. Swagger goes for another submission attempt and Kofi tries to punch his way out. Swagger ducks a Kofi punch and applies an abdominal stretch. Swagger releases the hold and beats Kofi down on the mat.
Swagger then puts Kofi in a front chancery and gator-rolls him out of the ring. Jack works on Kofi's bad leg from outside the ring while Kofi is on the ring apron at the edge of the ring. Kofi rolls out of the ring backwards feet first and gets Swagger in a hurricanrana that sends him into the steel steps.
Kofi then leaps over the steps to hit Swagger with a Superman punch and both men go down. Kofi gets back in first and Swagger is nearly counted out. Kofi attacks Swagger coming in and hits him with a pair of clotheslines and a dropkick before covering him for a count of two. Swagger gets to his feet and tries to hit Kofi with a gut wrench powerbomb but Kofi blocks it by holding Swagger's leg.
Kofi tries to roll out but is knocked down by a Swagger boot. Swagger goes for a cover but gets only 2 and throws Kofi to the corner. As Swagger comes after Kofi, Kofi trips Swagger into the corner. Kofi leaps onto Swagger in the corner and attacks. Swagger makes his way out of the corner and Kofi hits him with a VERY high flying cross body and gets a two count.
Kofi sets Swagger up for the Trouble in Paradise but Swagger dodges. Swagger goes for the ankle lock as Kofi tries to get away. Swagger ends up pushing Kofi out of the ring. As Swagger starts to climb out of the ring, Kofi hits him with the Trouble in Paradise from the floor.
Swagger gets knocked back through the ropes into the middle of the ring and Kofi goes in and covers him for three! Kofi is the new #1 contender for the IC title.
Kane is still chasing Edge and Paul Bearer, and Edge is still faking Paul's murder to torture Kane. I think Edge has been more evil to Kane than the Undertaker ever was. Maybe Edge is the Devil's favorite demon now?
Commercial
Match#3: Cody Rhodes versus Chris Masters.
The announcers are telling us that Masters has been on a roll lately and has been rewarded with a coaching spot on the next season of NXT. I wonder how they define "being on a roll" because Masters never wins anymore.
He doesn't even make his pectorals dance to the tune of Crazy Train anymore. As the match begins Cody attacks first and beats on Masters in the corner until Masters throws him off. Masters puts the Master Lock on Rhodes early but Cody makes it to the ropes.
Cody regains the advantage with some strikes and a side Russian leg sweep. Cody presses the advantage by locking up Masters arm and chin on the mat but Masters is able to power out and hit Cody with a Samoan drop. Masters lands a punch and a pair of clotheslines and a back body drop. When Cody gets back up Masters hits him with a chop and whips him to the corner. Cody comes flying out of the corner and hits Masters with the "Beautiful Disaster" and follows it up with the "Cross Rhodes" for the win.
Commercial
Match #4: Rosa versus Layla. Layla begins mocking Rosa's exercise routines and Rosa attacks her. Layla fights back and lands several punches before going for a cover. Rosa kicks out quickly and when she gets to her feet she slaps Layla across the face. Michelle McCool jumps up onto the ring apron and Rosa knocks her off by throwing Layla into her.
When Layla comes back off the ropes, she hits Rosa with the "Layout" (neckbreaker) for the win. Team Laycool looks ready to put a beating on Rosa when Hornswoggle comes out to help. LayCool mocks Hornswoggle's height by walking around on their knees, until Beth Phoenix comes out to help and takes out Team Laycool with an assist from Hornswoggle.
The Swagger soaring Eagle comes out to confront Hornswoggle next; they've had a mini feud ever since Hornswoggle was made SmackDown's mascot. Inside the ring we now have a midget, a female bodybuilder, and a guy dressed up in a bird costume. Doesn't that sound like the start to a cheezy joke? Beth takes out the Eagle with the "Glam slam", an elevated double chicken wing wheelbarrow face buster. Hornswoggle finishes the Eagle off with a tadpole splash.
Commercial
When we return we are shown a recap of Michael Cole helping the Miz defeat Jerry Lawler. Cole promises to talk more about this on Monday.
Match #5: Kane versus Edge; winner gets to pick the stipulation to their match at the Tables Ladders and Chairs Pay per View. Remember at the start of this recap I said this was going to be painfully obvious?
Kane is in the ring first, then Edge. Kane looks angry and immediately goes after Edge. Edge runs out of the ring, Kane pursues, Edge runs back in, and then Edge dropkicks Kane as Kane tries to re-enters the ring. Kane falls back out of the ring and Edge pursues.
Edge tries to jump on Kane from the ring apron but Kane catches him and slams him to the ring apron. Kane is now in control and punches Edge outside the ring and continues the assault when they re-enter the ring. Edge punches back and regains control until a big uppercut from Kane floors Edge. Kane hits a seated Edge in the face with a dropkick and follows up with 3 elbow drops and then a knee to the head.
Kane start working on the head and arm of Edge on the mat. Edge makes it back to his feet and hits Kane with a big boot to the head and knocks him out of the ring. As Kane tries to make it back into the ring, Edge spears him off the ring apron back onto the floor.
Commercial
When we return Edge is on the top rope but Kane stops him and tries to set up a superplex. Edge fights Kane off with several head butts that send Kane crashing to the mat. Edge leaps off the turnbuckle onto Kane but Kane hits him with a big uppercut that flattens Edge.
Kane again works on Edge's neck and arm on the mat. Edge punches his way out of the hold and hits Kane with a flying forearm. Edge comes running at Kane again but this time Kane gets out of the way and sends Edge flying out of the ring. Kane slams Edge into the steps and then Kane gets back in the ring.
When Edge gets back up to the ring apron, Kane grabs his throat; but Edge escapes by yanking Kane's arm down across the top rope. Edge climbs to the top rope and flies at Kane, knocking him down. Edge goes for a cover but Kane kicks out. Edge hits a neck breaker and goes for another unsuccessful pin attempt.
Kane tries to pick Edge up but Edge floats over behind Kane and drops him with a Sit out rear mat slam. Edge whips Kane to the ropes but Kane reverses and hits a sidewalk slam on Edge and gets a two count. Kane goes to the top and hits Edge with a flying clothesline and sets up Edge for a choke slam. Edge escapes the choke slam attempt and hits Kane with a DDT for another 2 count.
Edge is setting Kane up for a spear but Kane clotheslines him and then prepares to choke slam Edge. Before he can hit the move, Paul Bearer is shown on the big screen begging Kane for help. Kane starts to leave, but pauses as he is about to be counted out. He appears torn, but eventually decides to go back to the ring and finish the match before looking for Paul Bearer.
Kane just barely makes it back in for the count of 10, but in the meantime Edge has recovered and he spears Kane as soon as he enters the ring for the win. Edge now gets to choose the stipulation. It's a Table Ladders and Chairs Pay per View and Edge has been in 6 of the 10 TLC matches in WWE history. Obviously, Edge decided to make it a Tables Ladders and Chairs match. It's too bad you can't bet on wrestling; I would have bet everything I own that is exactly how this match would end.
The show isn't quit over though. Edge says that since he has gotten what he wanted Kane can have what he wants to: Edge promises to return Paul Bearer to him. The wheelchair is left on the ramp with Paul Bearer still tied up, but when Kane gets there, it's not Paul Bearer, it's some random person made up to look like Paul.
Kane kicks the stranger in the face and goes after Edge and the real Paul Bearer. Kane finds Paul still in his wheelchair tied to the bed of a big flatbed truck. Before Kane can get close enough to free his father, the truck drives away.
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