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| Reported by Earnest I Aguilar |
The Smack is being laid Down for us tonight in Orlando Florida. The show starts with the new Heavyweight champion, Christian, walking to the ring. With tears in his eyes Christian proudly poses with the title that he has waited 17 long years to hold. He tells us that he just received a text message from his best friend, the former World Champion, Edge. Edge told Christian to enjoy this moment, because he earned it. Christian thanks the entire WWE universe, especially his Peeps, for supporting him.
Christian is interrupted by the World's strongest man, Mark Henry. Mark claims he's glad Christian is champion, but not because he is a fan. Mark Henry claims to be glad because he's a lot bigger than Christian, and he wants a title shot. Christian reminds the enormous Mark Henry that the belt is made of gold, not chocolate. This is funny because Mark Henry was once known as 'Sexual Chocolate', and because he's fat.
Henry and Christian are interrupted by Khali and Runjin Singh. Runjin tells us on behalf of the Great Khali (who we last saw dressed up as the Tooth Fairy and wearing a tutu) that perhaps Christian would rather face someone that has actually been world champion for his first title defense. Christian calls them a pair of freaks, and is interrupted again by Randy Orton.
Randy was only just recently drafted to SmackDown, but he's clearly the crowd's first choice to face Christian for the title.
Teddy Long comes out and says that a decision needs to be made and he is NOT going to make it. Instead he is going to allow the fans to decide, and predictably the crowd chooses Randy Orton over Mark Henry and the Great Khali. Teddy Long makes the match for later tonight!! Orton and Christian shake hands uncomfortably in the ring.
Commercial
When we return, Khali and Runjin Singh are talking to a new person named Jinder Mahal. Runjin tells Jinder that he is taking care of Khali's career now, and Jinder mocks him for letting Khali dress up as a fairy last week. I wonder if Jinder would laugh at the Rock for wearing the same outfit in "The Tooth Fairy?" Probably not, the Rock looks way better in a tutu than Khali.
(Side note: Hulk Hogan once wore a tutu in a movie, but most people wouldn't remember that because Hogan never starred in a movie that anyone ever cared about, or watched. And Rocky 3 doesn't count; Hogan didn't star in that, he just had a bit part, too small to do much damage.)
Match #1: Sheamus versus Daniel Bryan.
Sheamus takes Bryan down and applies a headlock. Sheamus slams Bryan into the corner and then knocks him down with a back elbow. After a near-fall, Bryan gets back to his feet and the two men exchange punches. Sheamus throws Bryan into the corner and then charges after him. Bryan runs up the corner and over the top of Sheamus, coming down behind him.
Bryan then knocks Sheamus out of the ring with a dropkick and follows up with a suicide dive. Bryan rolls Sheamus back to the ring apron and climbs onto the apron after him. Sheamus grabs Bryan and slams him into the steel post, then follows up with a backbreaker.
Commercial
When we return, Sheamus is in control and whipping Bryan to the corner. Bryan hits an elbow, but Sheamus responds with a backbreaker. Sheamus ties Bryan up in the ropes then pounds his chest repeatedly. Sheamus then throws Bryan to the middle of the ring and hits him with a slingshot shoulder tackle. Sheamus places Bryan on the top turnbuckle and sets up for a super-plex.
Bryan blocks the super-plex and knocks Sheamus down with a headbutt, then follows up with a missile dropkick. After a series of kicks in the middle of the ring, Bryan knocks a kneeling Sheamus down with a kick to the head. Bryan goes for a cover but gets only two. Sheamus gets to his feet and takes Bryan down.
Sheamus tries for another slingshot shoulder tackle (which they referred to as "pale justice") but Bryan counters with the Lebell lock (named after former wrestler and judo champion Gene LeBell). Sheamus gets to the ropes to force a break, then rolls to the floor. Bryan tries for a suicide dive, but Sheamus blocks it with a brogue kick to the face. Sheamus rolls Bryan in, hits him with another brogue kick and then covers him for the win.
Commercial
After the commercial, Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring with his two bag handling assistants. Cody says that while he may still be hideously deformed, he still thinks we are all ugly. But as a service to us, and at great personal expense, Cody has once again decided to provide us all with paper bags so we can hide our heads in shame.
Commercial
Match #2: Big Show versus Ezekiel Jackson.
The two men lock up twice, and each time Ezekiel Jackson is able to push the Big Show backwards. The Big Show then resorts to grappling and takes Ezekiel down and applies a front face lock. Jackson gets to his feet and back body drops the Big Show. Jackson stomps and pummels Big Show on the canvas before going for a cover and getting two.
Ezekiel slams Show into the corner and crashes into him. Jackson gives the Big Show a HUGE bodyslam and goes for another cover and gets two. Ezekiel puts Show in a chin lock, but Big Show gets to his feet and escapes by suplexing Jackson. Both men slowly get to their feet at the same time and exchange several punches.
Show gets the advantage and takes Jackson down with a pair of clotheslines and crushes him in the corner and hits another clothesline. Show sets up for the Choke slam, but is distracted by the Corre beating up his tag partner, Kane, outside the ring. Show goes to the floor to save Kane and beats up the Corre. When Show re-enters the ring he is hit with a big boot from Jackson, Jackson follows up with a clothesline for the win!
After the match, Ezekiel Jackson appears to want nothing to do with his Corre team mates and walks away.
Commercial.
When we return, we're shown a package of highlights from the Rock's birthday party from Raw.
Commercial
Match#3: Layla versus Alicia Fox.
Alicia beats up Layla for about 1 minute, and then Layla hits the neckbreaker for the win. Not much of a match, but after the match, the giant woman Kharma makes her way to the ring. Layla and Alicia look terrified, but Layla has the good sense to leave the ring.
Kharma eyeballs Alicia as she walks away, and while she has her back turned, Alicia Fox hits her in the back with a kick. Kong...I mean, Kharma, turns to face Alicia and laughs. Alicia looks ready to fight and launches another kick. Kharma catches the kick and slams Alicia to the mat.
Kharma then picks her up and crushes her with an Implant Buster. "Implant Buster" is what the move was called in TNA. It's a lifting double underhook facebuster. The WWE has apparently not renamed it yet.
In the back, the Corre is confronting Ezekiel Jackson. He wants to know what their problem is. Wade Barrett explains that the problem is they don't want it to look like Jackson is walking away from them. Wade then tells Ezekiel to look at him when he's talking, because he wants him to see this coming.
Jackson gets the message and attacks first, but he's overwhelmed by Barrett, Slater, and Gabriel. They beat him down for a few minutes and then drop a huge locker, or row of lockers, on top of him.
Commercial
Match #4: Sin Cara versus Tyson Kidd, with Chavo Guerrero on commentary.
Tyson Kidd's silly hairdo has grown a bit sillier. The two men lock up and Tyson takes Sin Cara down first. Sin escapes and goes for a handspring back elbow that misses, then hits a tilt a whirl hurricanrana that sends Tyson to the floor. Sin rolls Tyson in, and Tyson knocks Sin back out. With both men back on the floor, Tyson hits a suplex and rolls Sin Cara in for a near fall.
Tyson lands a couple kicks and then applies a headlock while Sin Cara's neck is draped across the bottom rope. Tyson goes for a slingshot leg drop but misses, and Sin Cara lands a couple of kicks. Sin hits a springboard back elbow, a hurricanrana, and a flying cross body from the top rope. Tyson tries to fight back and they exchange a couple strikes, but Sin Cara gets the advantage and sets Tyson up on the top turnbuckle. From the top rope, Sin Cara hits Tyson with a moonsault side slam for the win!
Throughout the match, Chavo was complaining that Sin Cara is a thief, and that he stole all his moves from Chavo. After the match, Chavo enters the ring and shakes Sin Cara's hand.
Commercial
Match #5: Christian versus Randy Orton for the Heavyweight title.
The show tonight is in Orlando Florida, and we are shown the iconic sign from the Magic Kingdom: Where Dreams Come True. Before the match, Josh Matthews asks if it's fair for Christian to be forced to defend his very first World Championship just a few days after winning it in a brutal ladder match.
Christian takes the belt in his hands and kisses it before handing it over to the ref. The two men lock up and Randy gets Christian in a headlock. Christian escapes, and after an Irish Whip and a leap frog, Christian hits Orton with a shoulder tackle and a couple strikes. Christian whips Randy to the ropes and Randy responds with a back drop.
Randy presses the advantage and pounds on Christian's chest while he's hung up on the ropes. Randy tries to pull Christian into the ring so he can hit him with a rope-hung DDT. Christian escapes and knocks Randy to the floor, and then follows up with a baseball slide dropkick. Christian then tries a flying cross body to the floor, but Orton dodges it.
Commercial
When we return, Orton is in control and stomping on Christian. Randy whips Christian hard from one corner to the other and goes for a cover but gets only two. Randy puts Christian in a waste lock, and Christian fights out with an elbow. The two men exchange strikes before Orton hits Christian with a clothesline that sends both men out of the ring and to the floor.
Commercial
After the commercial break, Christian has Randy in a chin lock. After a headbutt, Christian goes for a cover and gets a near fall. Randy slams Christian to the corner and then hits him with a suplex. The two men exchange some more strikes and Randy hits Christian with a drop kick. Christian responds with a pendulum kick. Christian knocks Randy down and gets another near fall. Christian tries to set something up but Randy cuts it off with a punch.
Christian snaps Randy's neck down on the top rope and then hits him with a flying cross body for another near fall. Christian goes back to the top and hits Randy with a flying back elbow. Randy retaliates with a scoop slam and gets a two count on Christian. Christian goes for the Unprettier but Randy blocks it.
Christian trips Randy into the ropes and then leaps over him to the floor so he can hit him in the face. As Christian re-enters the ring, Orton hits him with a rope-hung DDT. Randy goes for a cover but Christian kicks out at 2. Randy goes for a kick but Christian responds with a falling inverted DDT. Christian goes for a cover but gets only 2.
Randy hits Christian with an Angle slam, and then sets up to hit the RKO. Christian blocks the RKO and tries for the Unprettier but still can't get Orton with it. Christian then lands a kick and goes to the top rope. As Christian comes off the top rope at Orton, Orton catches him in mid air with an RKO.
Randy covers Christian and gets the three count. Randy Orton is the new champion, and Christian's dream has been taken away from him after 5 days. It's really just 2 days that Christian was champ, because SmackDown is taped on Tuesday.
After the match Christian looks stunned and sad. I expected this, but it still left me stunned and sad. After 17 years of great matches and entertaining characters, I think Christian deserved better than this.
Christian is interrupted by the World's strongest man, Mark Henry. Mark claims he's glad Christian is champion, but not because he is a fan. Mark Henry claims to be glad because he's a lot bigger than Christian, and he wants a title shot. Christian reminds the enormous Mark Henry that the belt is made of gold, not chocolate. This is funny because Mark Henry was once known as 'Sexual Chocolate', and because he's fat.
Henry and Christian are interrupted by Khali and Runjin Singh. Runjin tells us on behalf of the Great Khali (who we last saw dressed up as the Tooth Fairy and wearing a tutu) that perhaps Christian would rather face someone that has actually been world champion for his first title defense. Christian calls them a pair of freaks, and is interrupted again by Randy Orton.
Randy was only just recently drafted to SmackDown, but he's clearly the crowd's first choice to face Christian for the title.
Teddy Long comes out and says that a decision needs to be made and he is NOT going to make it. Instead he is going to allow the fans to decide, and predictably the crowd chooses Randy Orton over Mark Henry and the Great Khali. Teddy Long makes the match for later tonight!! Orton and Christian shake hands uncomfortably in the ring.
Commercial
When we return, Khali and Runjin Singh are talking to a new person named Jinder Mahal. Runjin tells Jinder that he is taking care of Khali's career now, and Jinder mocks him for letting Khali dress up as a fairy last week. I wonder if Jinder would laugh at the Rock for wearing the same outfit in "The Tooth Fairy?" Probably not, the Rock looks way better in a tutu than Khali.
(Side note: Hulk Hogan once wore a tutu in a movie, but most people wouldn't remember that because Hogan never starred in a movie that anyone ever cared about, or watched. And Rocky 3 doesn't count; Hogan didn't star in that, he just had a bit part, too small to do much damage.)
Match #1: Sheamus versus Daniel Bryan.
Sheamus takes Bryan down and applies a headlock. Sheamus slams Bryan into the corner and then knocks him down with a back elbow. After a near-fall, Bryan gets back to his feet and the two men exchange punches. Sheamus throws Bryan into the corner and then charges after him. Bryan runs up the corner and over the top of Sheamus, coming down behind him.
Bryan then knocks Sheamus out of the ring with a dropkick and follows up with a suicide dive. Bryan rolls Sheamus back to the ring apron and climbs onto the apron after him. Sheamus grabs Bryan and slams him into the steel post, then follows up with a backbreaker.
Commercial
When we return, Sheamus is in control and whipping Bryan to the corner. Bryan hits an elbow, but Sheamus responds with a backbreaker. Sheamus ties Bryan up in the ropes then pounds his chest repeatedly. Sheamus then throws Bryan to the middle of the ring and hits him with a slingshot shoulder tackle. Sheamus places Bryan on the top turnbuckle and sets up for a super-plex.
Bryan blocks the super-plex and knocks Sheamus down with a headbutt, then follows up with a missile dropkick. After a series of kicks in the middle of the ring, Bryan knocks a kneeling Sheamus down with a kick to the head. Bryan goes for a cover but gets only two. Sheamus gets to his feet and takes Bryan down.
Sheamus tries for another slingshot shoulder tackle (which they referred to as "pale justice") but Bryan counters with the Lebell lock (named after former wrestler and judo champion Gene LeBell). Sheamus gets to the ropes to force a break, then rolls to the floor. Bryan tries for a suicide dive, but Sheamus blocks it with a brogue kick to the face. Sheamus rolls Bryan in, hits him with another brogue kick and then covers him for the win.
Commercial
After the commercial, Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring with his two bag handling assistants. Cody says that while he may still be hideously deformed, he still thinks we are all ugly. But as a service to us, and at great personal expense, Cody has once again decided to provide us all with paper bags so we can hide our heads in shame.
Commercial
Match #2: Big Show versus Ezekiel Jackson.
The two men lock up twice, and each time Ezekiel Jackson is able to push the Big Show backwards. The Big Show then resorts to grappling and takes Ezekiel down and applies a front face lock. Jackson gets to his feet and back body drops the Big Show. Jackson stomps and pummels Big Show on the canvas before going for a cover and getting two.
Ezekiel slams Show into the corner and crashes into him. Jackson gives the Big Show a HUGE bodyslam and goes for another cover and gets two. Ezekiel puts Show in a chin lock, but Big Show gets to his feet and escapes by suplexing Jackson. Both men slowly get to their feet at the same time and exchange several punches.
Show gets the advantage and takes Jackson down with a pair of clotheslines and crushes him in the corner and hits another clothesline. Show sets up for the Choke slam, but is distracted by the Corre beating up his tag partner, Kane, outside the ring. Show goes to the floor to save Kane and beats up the Corre. When Show re-enters the ring he is hit with a big boot from Jackson, Jackson follows up with a clothesline for the win!
After the match, Ezekiel Jackson appears to want nothing to do with his Corre team mates and walks away.
Commercial.
When we return, we're shown a package of highlights from the Rock's birthday party from Raw.
Commercial
Match#3: Layla versus Alicia Fox.
Alicia beats up Layla for about 1 minute, and then Layla hits the neckbreaker for the win. Not much of a match, but after the match, the giant woman Kharma makes her way to the ring. Layla and Alicia look terrified, but Layla has the good sense to leave the ring.
Kharma eyeballs Alicia as she walks away, and while she has her back turned, Alicia Fox hits her in the back with a kick. Kong...I mean, Kharma, turns to face Alicia and laughs. Alicia looks ready to fight and launches another kick. Kharma catches the kick and slams Alicia to the mat.
Kharma then picks her up and crushes her with an Implant Buster. "Implant Buster" is what the move was called in TNA. It's a lifting double underhook facebuster. The WWE has apparently not renamed it yet.
In the back, the Corre is confronting Ezekiel Jackson. He wants to know what their problem is. Wade Barrett explains that the problem is they don't want it to look like Jackson is walking away from them. Wade then tells Ezekiel to look at him when he's talking, because he wants him to see this coming.
Jackson gets the message and attacks first, but he's overwhelmed by Barrett, Slater, and Gabriel. They beat him down for a few minutes and then drop a huge locker, or row of lockers, on top of him.
Commercial
Match #4: Sin Cara versus Tyson Kidd, with Chavo Guerrero on commentary.
Tyson Kidd's silly hairdo has grown a bit sillier. The two men lock up and Tyson takes Sin Cara down first. Sin escapes and goes for a handspring back elbow that misses, then hits a tilt a whirl hurricanrana that sends Tyson to the floor. Sin rolls Tyson in, and Tyson knocks Sin back out. With both men back on the floor, Tyson hits a suplex and rolls Sin Cara in for a near fall.
Tyson lands a couple kicks and then applies a headlock while Sin Cara's neck is draped across the bottom rope. Tyson goes for a slingshot leg drop but misses, and Sin Cara lands a couple of kicks. Sin hits a springboard back elbow, a hurricanrana, and a flying cross body from the top rope. Tyson tries to fight back and they exchange a couple strikes, but Sin Cara gets the advantage and sets Tyson up on the top turnbuckle. From the top rope, Sin Cara hits Tyson with a moonsault side slam for the win!
Throughout the match, Chavo was complaining that Sin Cara is a thief, and that he stole all his moves from Chavo. After the match, Chavo enters the ring and shakes Sin Cara's hand.
Commercial
Match #5: Christian versus Randy Orton for the Heavyweight title.
The show tonight is in Orlando Florida, and we are shown the iconic sign from the Magic Kingdom: Where Dreams Come True. Before the match, Josh Matthews asks if it's fair for Christian to be forced to defend his very first World Championship just a few days after winning it in a brutal ladder match.
Christian takes the belt in his hands and kisses it before handing it over to the ref. The two men lock up and Randy gets Christian in a headlock. Christian escapes, and after an Irish Whip and a leap frog, Christian hits Orton with a shoulder tackle and a couple strikes. Christian whips Randy to the ropes and Randy responds with a back drop.
Randy presses the advantage and pounds on Christian's chest while he's hung up on the ropes. Randy tries to pull Christian into the ring so he can hit him with a rope-hung DDT. Christian escapes and knocks Randy to the floor, and then follows up with a baseball slide dropkick. Christian then tries a flying cross body to the floor, but Orton dodges it.
Commercial
When we return, Orton is in control and stomping on Christian. Randy whips Christian hard from one corner to the other and goes for a cover but gets only two. Randy puts Christian in a waste lock, and Christian fights out with an elbow. The two men exchange strikes before Orton hits Christian with a clothesline that sends both men out of the ring and to the floor.
Commercial
After the commercial break, Christian has Randy in a chin lock. After a headbutt, Christian goes for a cover and gets a near fall. Randy slams Christian to the corner and then hits him with a suplex. The two men exchange some more strikes and Randy hits Christian with a drop kick. Christian responds with a pendulum kick. Christian knocks Randy down and gets another near fall. Christian tries to set something up but Randy cuts it off with a punch.
Christian snaps Randy's neck down on the top rope and then hits him with a flying cross body for another near fall. Christian goes back to the top and hits Randy with a flying back elbow. Randy retaliates with a scoop slam and gets a two count on Christian. Christian goes for the Unprettier but Randy blocks it.
Christian trips Randy into the ropes and then leaps over him to the floor so he can hit him in the face. As Christian re-enters the ring, Orton hits him with a rope-hung DDT. Randy goes for a cover but Christian kicks out at 2. Randy goes for a kick but Christian responds with a falling inverted DDT. Christian goes for a cover but gets only 2.
Randy hits Christian with an Angle slam, and then sets up to hit the RKO. Christian blocks the RKO and tries for the Unprettier but still can't get Orton with it. Christian then lands a kick and goes to the top rope. As Christian comes off the top rope at Orton, Orton catches him in mid air with an RKO.
Randy covers Christian and gets the three count. Randy Orton is the new champion, and Christian's dream has been taken away from him after 5 days. It's really just 2 days that Christian was champ, because SmackDown is taped on Tuesday.
After the match Christian looks stunned and sad. I expected this, but it still left me stunned and sad. After 17 years of great matches and entertaining characters, I think Christian deserved better than this.
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