Smackdown TV Report 12/10/11

Reported by Earnest I Aguilar

The Smack is being laid Down for us in Dayton Ohio this week. The show begins with an announcement that tonight's main event will feature Edge and Rey Mysterio versus Kane and Alberto Del Rio.

The show begins, as usual, with Kane begging Edge to return his father, Paul Bearer to him. I love Edge and think Kane is a better than average wrestling actor, but this has gone on just a little bit too long. Edge, as usual, appears on the big screen and says he has Paul Bearer in the back. Edge also tells us that he wants to practice his chair swinging skills to prepare for his Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match with Kane at the TLC PPV, and he just happens to have both a chair and a target.

After winding up and faking it a couple times, Edge finally nails Paul Bearer in the back with a steel chair. Kane comes running to save his father. When Kane confronts Edge in the back, Edge is brandishing a chair and warning Kane not to take another step. Kane does take a cautious step and Edge flattens Paul Bearer with a steel chair shot to the head.

When Kane runs over to check on him, he discovers it's another Paul Bearer dummy. Edge wheels the real Paul Bearer away.

Commercial

Michael Cole is expressing outrage that Edge has held Paul Bearer prisoner for a month. You would think Edge would have more trouble getting Paul Bearer through the various airports they travel through across the country. Paul is too big to stuff in an overheard compartment, so maybe Edge is sending him through baggage claims. I hope he doesn't get lost, that does sometimes happen at the airport.

Match #1: Kaval versus Jack Swagger.

Swagger comes out first. The two men lock up and Swagger pushes Kaval to the corner and beats him down. In the corner Kaval jumps up and hits Swagger in the chest with a back kick using both feet. Kaval goes for a cover, Swagger kicks out and Kaval lands another kick. Swagger picks Kaval up over his head, but Kaval elbows him in the head while he is there. Swagger throws Kaval off and Kaval appears to hurt his knee on the landing.

Swagger goes on the attack, focusing on the leg and knee with multiple strikes before twisting his leg on the canvas. Kaval lands a kick with his good leg to escape. Swagger pushes Kaval to the corner and wraps his leg up in the ropes. Kaval responds with a couple chops. Swagger attempts a gut wrench powerbomb but Kaval holds onto his leg to keep from being taken over.

Swagger does eventually get Kaval up, but Kaval lands a pair of punches to the head and ends up landing on Swagger. Kaval hits Swagger with a flying kick to the head, follows up with another kick to the head. Swagger tries to fight back and lands a boot to the gut. Swagger goes for a vertical suplex but Kaval escapes and hits a rolling Liger kick and a weird looking kick to the back of the head.

Kaval is still selling his knee injury every time he throws a kick. Swagger charges Kaval and Kaval hits him with a flying knee to the head. Kaval goes for a cover and gets only two. Kaval goes to the top rope but Swagger knocks him off. Kaval falls and re-injures his leg. Swagger applies the ankle lock to the injured ankle and Kaval is forced to tap.

After the match Swagger complains that Kofi Kingston does not deserve an Intercontinental Title shot because he cheated last week. Swagger shows footage of Kofi hitting him from outside the ring with the Trouble In Paradise kick while Swagger was in the ropes.

Swagger claims this is illegal, although I can't recall a single match in my entire life in which a wrestler was disqualified for striking someone while they were in the ropes. Kaval and Swagger hit each other in the ropes several times THIS MATCH. Swagger knocked Kaval off the top rope to win THIS MATCH!! Is he not aware he did the exact same thing just seconds ago?

Of course I should not expect intellectual honesty from a villain, but this seems like too obvious a load of baloney.

Next, Swagger's former mascot the Soaring Eagle will take on the former mascot for DX and SmackDown in a mascot melee. There will be stupidity.

Commercial

Hornswoggle is now a brunette and he is accompanied by Rosa, who is also now a brunette. That's just adorable, they un-died their hair together. The eagle comes out next. Cole says "Hornswoggle has to be careful, this is a PG show; he can't flip the bird."

Hornswoggle distracts the eagle with a bag of bird seed. I told you it would be stupid. The human being in the bird suit, who is supposedly Chavo Guerrero, is so distracted by the bird seed he forgets he has a match. Unbelievably stupid, really stupid, TNA stupid. No excuse for that. Hornswoggle puts on a napkin and bites the birds leg.

Hornswoggle slaps the bird across the beak, the bird responds with a foot (talon?) to the face and Hornswoggle goes down. The eagle goes for a "ball in" elbow drop like MVP which Hornswoggle dodges. Hornswoggle hits the eagle to set him up for the tadpole splash which he hits for the win.

Commercial

Back from the break Teddy Long is congratulating Santino Morella and Vladimir Kozlov for winning the tag team titles. Santino and Kozlov are a silly team, but they can be funny together. Santino starts to describe how it feels to be champions, and the dialogue eventually turns into a rendition of "we are the champions" by Queen while Kozlov takes out a lighter and starts waving it around.

Chavo Guerrero interrupts and looks angry. Santino asks him if he wants to have his picture taken with the champs. Chavo doesn't want a picture, he wants a match, and as soon as he gets a partner he tells Santino and Kozlov "We will, we will, rock you!" and does a double hand clap foot stomp. Someone in the writing room was listening to Queen's Greatest Hits this week.

Dolph is in the back being interviewed for his IC title match with Kofi Kingston. Dolph doesn't seem worried. He thinks Kofi is a contender, not a champion, like Dolph. That's why we love Kofi, we can relate to him because he's a loser like us, not a winner like Dolph.

Commercial

Match #2: Dolph versus Kofi for the IC title.

It's going to be tough to follow that epic mascot showdown match between Hornswoggle and the Eagle (irony). Vickie introduces her boyfriend Dolph. Matt Striker claims Vickie looks like Greg Valentine in "Rhythm and Bruise". This was when Valentine dyed his hair black and pretended to be part of a Rock and Wrestling band.

It was the low point of Valentine's career, until now, when he was just compared to Vickie. Matt used to think Vickie was hot, now he insults her every week. I think she must have broken his heart.

The two men lock up and Dolph pushes Kofi to the corner. Dolph doesn't give a clean break, but Kofi manages to roll him up for an unsuccessful pin attempt. Dolph lands and elbow and a chop, Kofi responds with a couple punches. Dolph punches back and Kofi goes down.

Dolph hits him with a snap mare and follows up with a blockbuster. Dolph puts Kofi in a cobra clutch, possibly to set up for a sleeper hold. After exchanging punches, Kofi monkey flips Dolph and goes for the "Trouble in Paradise". Dolph dodges and rolls out of the ring where Vickie hugs him.

Commercial

When we return, Dolph has Kofi in a chin lock. During the break Dolph gained the advantage by slamming Kofi into the barrier outside the ring. Dolph hits Kofi with a dropkick and a jumping elbow drop then goes for a cover but gets just two. Dolph puts Kofi in a headlock, Kofi frees himself with an elbow, Dolph drops him again with a neck breaker and again goes for a cover and again gets two.

Dolph has Kofi down with a rear chin lock. Kofi gets free and lands some punches and a monkey flip. Kofi hits a dropkick and a big double chop. Kofi hits a clothesline, a body slam and then stomps Dolph down in the corner. Kofi misses a big splash in the corner but then connects with a pendulum kick.

Kofi nails Dolph with a high missile dropkick. Vickie creates a distraction to prevent a pin, and Dolph rolls Kofi up for a 2 count. Dolph lands a kick and puts Kofi on the top turnbuckle. Kofi headbutts Dolph, knocking him to the canvas and follows up with a high crossbody. Kofi goes for a suplex but Dolph reverses it and puts on the sleeper hold.

Kofi escapes by running Dolph into the corner then hits the Trouble In Paradise! As Kofi goes for a cover, Swagger interferes and pulls Kofi out of the ring and applies an ankle lock.

Out back Edge destroys another fake Paul Bearer.

Commercial

When we return it's the Master lock challenge. Chris Masters has a chair in the ring and Cody Rhodes is going to try and break the Master lock. Cody is taking his sweet time, disinfecting the chair and Master's hands. Masters seems annoyed and pats Cody on the cheek condescendingly.

Cody freaks out as he does whenever anyone touches his face. Cody is ready to storm out but Chris grabs him from behind and puts on the Master lock until Cody goes out and the ref calls for the bell. Christ Masters wins.

Commercial

Match: tag title match between Santino and Kozlov versus Chavo and his partner...Drew McIntyre.

Santino and Drew are in first. Drew points at Santino and Santino curiously touches Drew's finger then takes him over with an armdrag. Drew knocks Santino down and Santino tags in Kozlov.

Kozlov bull rushes Drew, hits him with a headbutt then a fireman's carry. Kozlozv is in control until Chavo hits him with a cheap shot from outside the ring. Chavo gets tagged in and beats Kozlov down in the corner. Kozlov tags in Santino and Chavo tags Drew. Santino lands a punch, ducks an attack from Drew with a split, and hits an arm drag. Drew dodges a Santino attack and knocks Santino down.

Chavo tags himself in and goes for a frog splash, but Santino rolls out of the way and hits Chavo with the Cobra for the win! After the match Drew beats Chavo and hits him with the double underhook DDT.

Michael Cole tells us there will be actual venom in the main event tonight between Edge/Mysterio and Kane/Alberto. He's wrong, there will be no actual venom. People can't seem to remember what the words "literal" and "actual" mean.

Commercial

When we return it's time for the Divas match between Natalya and Layla. Layla comes to the ring with her BFF Michelle McCool, and Natalya comes to the ring with Beth Phoenix. Layla starts things off with a kick and a headlock, Natalya whips her to the ropes, leapfrogs her then rolls her up for an unsuccessful pin attempt. Natalya picks Layla up for a delayed vertical suplex with squats and gets another near fall.

Layla goes out of the ring to consult with Michelle and Natalya comes out to break it up. The two Divas re-enter the ring and exchange strikes before knocking each other down with a double clothesline. Natalya is up first and goes for a Sharp Shooter. Michelle grabs Layla's legs to break up the pin, but Natalya drags them both into the middle of the ring, still holding on to the Sharp Shooter.

Beth Phoenix comes over and pulls Michelle out of the ring and Layla taps out. Natalya wins!

Commercial

Match: Main event, Edge and Mysterio versus Kane and Alberto Del Rio.

Kane is introduced last but he never comes out. Teddy comes out to announce Alberto has to face Rey and Edge in a handicap match. Rey starts off against Alberto and quickly hits him with a pair of kicks, a snap mare, and a running leg drop for an early near fall. Rey tags in Edge and they double team Alberto.

Edge hits Alberto with a flapjack and tags in Rey. Rey flies into the ring, knocking Alberto down and going for another cover. Rey hits Alberto with a punch and a drop kick to the knee. Alberto falls into the ropes in position to be hit with a 619. Alberto rolls to the floor before Rey can connect.

Kane finally comes to the ring, not to wrestle, just to attack Edge. Kane goes for a choke slam but Edge blocks it, lands a boot to the face, and runs away. Rey looks on as his partner disappears and Alberto hits him from behind. Alberto lands several kicks and throws Rey hard into the corner.

Alberto picks Rey up and drops him down hard on his knee. Alberto has Rey on the mat in a bear hug and then transitions into a body scissors. Rey fights out and lands several kicks. A headscissors attempt is blocked by Alberto, and Alberto follows up with an Enzuigiri that knocks Rey out of the ring.

Alberto pursues, leaping over the steps and slamming Rey into the barrier. Alberto rolls Rey back into the ring and places him on the top turnbuckle. Alberto goes for a superplex but Rey blocks the attempt. Rey hits Alberto with several punches and headbutts, knocking him to the canvas. Rey hits Alberto with a flying Thesz press (or seated senton, they look the same to me) and a back spring wheelbarrow and gets another near fall. Alberto retaliates with a tilt a whirl back breaker and a near fall of his own.

Rey then hits a running senton and a dropkick to the back that sends Alberto into the ropes again. Rey goes for the 619 and hits it, then follows up with a big splash from the top rope for the win! Rey and Edge are announced as the winners.

In the back, Edge has another Paul Bearer dummy atop a platform held up with ladders. Kane approaches the platform determined not to be fooled by another dummy. Kane is about to tip over the platform, which is near the edge of the back stage area, and knock it all the way down to the next floor, which looks like a very, very long drop.

Edge says he would not do that if he was Kane. Kane isn't listening to Edge anymore and tips the platform over, sending the wheel chair and the figure in it falling at least 30 feet and landing with a sickening thud. It was the real Paul Bearer this time. Judging by the way he's not moving, I'd say it's safe to say Paul Bearer is once again gone from the WWE.

The fall probably should have been fatal. But it's OK if the champion's dad was just murdered on TV, because there was no blood so they can maintain their PG rating.

The show ends with Edge shrugging his shoulders and telling Kane "well, I told you so.