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| Reported by Ernest I Aguilar |
The Smack is being laid Down for us tonight in London England. There is a recap of Edge's retirement speech and Christian's Battle Royal Victory in which he earned a title shot. The title that Christian will face Alberto Del Rio for at Extreme Rules is already suspended in the air above the ring.
We're told that later tonight Alberto Del Rio will be holding a retirement party for Edge, Kane and the Big Show will face the Corre for the tag titles, and Kofi Kingston will face Wade Barrett for the intercontinental title.
Unlike all the other announcers, Michael gets his own special, pompous entrance; which he follows up with some comments that sucked and a recap of something he recently did on Raw that sucked.
Cody Rhodes comes out next with some assistants and a shopping cart filled with brown paper bags. Cody explains that he wears a mask for protection, but Rey Mysterio wears a mask to hide his fear and loathing, and his shame. He also says we wear masks (metaphorically speaking) to hide our envy and our despair.
Cody then stars handing out (with the help of his assistants) the paper bags, so people can LITERALLY hide their envy, despair, and unattractiveness. The bags have openings for your eyes, ears and mouth; most of the fans put them on. Rey Mysterio's music hits and Rey comes running to the ring.
Match #1: Cody Rhodes versus Rey Mysterio.
Cody beats Rey down to start the match off, but Rey strikes back with a kick. Cody charges after Rey, and Rey sends him flying out of the ring by ducking and pulling down the top rope. Rey hits Cody with a seated senton from the ring apron to the floor (a move Trish Stratus called the "Air Canada").
Commercial
When we return, Cody Rhodes is in control and hitting Rey with headbutts; using his face mask as a weapon. Rey and Cody exchange a series of strikes. Cody eventually gets Rey on his shoulders and spins him around before hitting him with a back breaker.
Cody then positions Rey's back against the steel post and then pulls back on his arms and legs. Cody gets back into the ring and grabs Rey's leg, but Rey is able to connect with a kick to the head with his other leg. After a knee to the head, Cody kicks Rey into the steel post.
Commercial
Back from the break, Cody has Rey in a cravat. Rey punches his way out and slides under Cody. Cody powerslams Rey and then stomps on his head. Rhodes then whips Rey hard into the corner and Rey hits the mat hard. Cody hits Rey with some punches then places him on the top rope. Rey headbutts Cody off the top rope to the mat and then hits him with a seated senton and a springboard reverse crossbody.
Rey goes for a cover but Cody kicks out and regains control after a roll up attempt gets him a two count. Rey Mysterio tries to go back to the top rope and hit a cross body, but Cody hits him with a dropkick in mid air. Cody picks up Rey and kicks him in the midsection while he's hung up in the ropes. Cody then tries for a powerbomb, but Rey gets out of it and rolls Cody up for the win!
After the match, Cody attacks Rey from behind and beats him down. Cody continues the assault outside the ring, slamming Rey into the security barriers. Rey eventually starts to fight back and throws Cody over the security barrier back towards the ring.
The battle ends when Cody hits Rey in the head with his protective face mask, then hits him with the Cross Rhodes outside the ring. Cody then puts a paper bag on an unconscious Rey Mysterio.
Commercial
In the back, Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett are arguing over the Battle Royal last week. Gabriel eliminated Barrett but said it wasn't personal. Barrett says he wouldn't have done that. Heath Slater and Ezekiel Jackson are also in the back and everyone seems tense. They all act like they're on the same page, but it doesn't seem like they really are.
Layla and Michelle McCool are going to couples therapy again. It's not going well. The only time it seemed like they had any hope was when they both shouted "Shut up baldy!" to their therapist. The session ends with Michelle pretending to be sorry for making Layla cry just before she beats her up.
Commercial
When we return, Michael Cole wastes some more airtime with some annoying comments and another annoying recap of him being annoying from last week.
Match #2: Jack Swagger versus Trent Barretta.
The match was basically a squash. Swagger a couple of his standard moves; a shoulder block, a Swagger bomb (a corner slingshot splash) Swagger then slaps Trent in the head a few times before Barretta finally starts to land some offense. Trent tries to hit Swagger with a hurricanrana from the top rope, but Swagger catches him and turns it into a powerbomb.
Swagger then applies the ankle lock and gets the submission victory. The real problem with this match is Cole would not shut up. I know he's supposed to be a villain and he is great at being hate-able; but it's too much, he's dominating the show and he's not talented or interesting enough to take up so much air time. Thankfully we finally get him to shut up so they can play a segment featuring the Big Show appearing on the Kids Choice awards.
Commercial
Back from the break, we see a scary looking person who must be Awesome Kong destroying a doll.
Match #3: The Big Show and Kane versus Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel of the Corre for the tag team titles.
Kane and Slater start the match of. Slater lands the first punch but Kane quickly takes over and hits Slater with a back drop, a snapmare, and a dropkick to the face. After an unsuccessful pin attempt, Kane tags in the Big Show. Big Show hits Slater with a huge chop and then punishes him in the corner by crushing him with his back and his giant ass.
Show tags Kane back in and Kane lands a big uppercut and then picks up Slater. Slater floats out and chops at Kane's knee from behind. Slater tags in Gabriel and Gabriel and Kane immediately flattens him with a big right hand. Kane goes to the top rope but is knocked off and back into the ring by Ezekiel Jackson. Justin Gabriel lands several punches and puts Kane in a front face lock.
Kane fights his way out and tries to hit Gabriel with a side slam; Gabriel counters with a DDT and tags in Slater. Slater tries to come off the top rope but Kane hits him in mid air. Kane tags in the Big Show and Show drops Slater with a clothesline and then crushes him in the corner with his back.
Justin Gabriel tries to interfere but is thrown out of the ring into Ezekiel Jackson. Big Show hits Slater with a choke slam for the win: Big Show and Kane are the new tag team champs!
Commercial
When we return, Slater and Gabriel are yelling at Ezekiel Jackson for not 'having their backs.' Jackson tells them if they want to know why they lost, they should look in the mirror, especially Slater, since he got pinned. Gabriel gives Slater a look after that comment, and Slater responds by shoving Gabriel to the ground.
Match #4: Drew McIntyre versus Chris Masters.
Drew lands the first few strikes, but Masters nearly gets the Master lock on in the opening minute. Drew gets knocked down by Chris, but then snaps Master's head and neck down across the top rope. Drew gets back into the ring and hits Masters with a couple of clotheslines.
Chris manages to roll Drew up for a near fall and then follows up with a power bomb. Chris gets another near fall and then the two men exchange strikes. Chris knocks Drew down with a shoulder block from the second rope and goes for the Master Lock again. Drew escapes by pushing off the ropes with his feet, sending Chris falling backwards with Drew on top of him. Drew then hits Masters with the Future Shock DDT for the win!
Commercial
Match #5: Wade Barrett versus Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental title.
Kofi starts off fast and hits a series of kicks and punches. Wade eventually responds with an elbow that drops Kofi, and then stomps on his prone body. Kofi gets to the ropes and hits Wade with a high springboard cross body.
Commercial
When we return, Wade is stretching out Kofi's back on the steel post. Wade rolls him back in and then charges after him when he re-enters the ring. Kofi ducks and sends Wade sprawling out to the floor. Kofi pursues and is nearly flattened by Ezekiel Jackson, but Kofi ducks and Jackson hits Wade by mistake. Kofi comes after Barrett but Barrett takes him down with a big boot to the face.
Wade then angrily tells Jackson to leave. Kofi rolls Barrett up from behind but Barrett kicks out. Kofi hits Wade with a clothesline and then the Boom Drop. Kofi sets up the Trouble in Paradise but Barrett blocks it. Wade gets Kofi up on his shoulders to hit him with the Wasteland but Kofi saves himself by grabbing onto the ropes. Wade then hits Kofi with another big boot and rolls him up for the win! Barrett did illegally grab hold of the ropes for leverage.
Commercial
When we return, it is time for Alberto Del Rio's retirement party for Edge. Alberto says he has a lot of gifts to help Edge enjoy his retirement. He unveils a grandfather clock, so Edge can watch his life tick away. He got Edge some adult diapers, explaining that with his injury, Edge probably can't make it to the bath room in time anymore. Then Alberto says he also brought his old flame, Lita with him tonight; then he brings out an obese woman with red hair that is obviously not Lita.
Alberto also got Edge a stroller so he can take fake obese Lita out for walks. And his final gift is a motorized wheelchair with handicapped plates. Suddenly, Edge's music hits and Edge comes out to a huge pop.
Edge claims he responded to Alberto's retirement party invite on Facebook, adding that he would never want to miss his own retirement party. Edge then tells Alberto he sucks (inspiring the crowd to chant YOU SUCK) and is a bad person, and a party pooper. He says his entire entourage looks like a big flaming bag of poop. I thought this sounded like cheap, easy humor aimed at 12 year old boys, but some of the fans actually did start to chant 'poop'.
Brodus Clay walks up the ramp to confront Edge, but he is suddenly hit from behind with a ladder by Christian, the man that will be facing Alberto at Extreme Rules for the heavyweight title. Alberto comes after Christian, but Christian takes him out with the ladder as well.
Christian then takes the ladder into the ring and climbs up to grab the title that has been hanging over the ring all night long. Edge applauds his friend as Christian poses with the title in the ring.
We're told that later tonight Alberto Del Rio will be holding a retirement party for Edge, Kane and the Big Show will face the Corre for the tag titles, and Kofi Kingston will face Wade Barrett for the intercontinental title.
Unlike all the other announcers, Michael gets his own special, pompous entrance; which he follows up with some comments that sucked and a recap of something he recently did on Raw that sucked.
Cody Rhodes comes out next with some assistants and a shopping cart filled with brown paper bags. Cody explains that he wears a mask for protection, but Rey Mysterio wears a mask to hide his fear and loathing, and his shame. He also says we wear masks (metaphorically speaking) to hide our envy and our despair.
Cody then stars handing out (with the help of his assistants) the paper bags, so people can LITERALLY hide their envy, despair, and unattractiveness. The bags have openings for your eyes, ears and mouth; most of the fans put them on. Rey Mysterio's music hits and Rey comes running to the ring.
Match #1: Cody Rhodes versus Rey Mysterio.
Cody beats Rey down to start the match off, but Rey strikes back with a kick. Cody charges after Rey, and Rey sends him flying out of the ring by ducking and pulling down the top rope. Rey hits Cody with a seated senton from the ring apron to the floor (a move Trish Stratus called the "Air Canada").
Commercial
When we return, Cody Rhodes is in control and hitting Rey with headbutts; using his face mask as a weapon. Rey and Cody exchange a series of strikes. Cody eventually gets Rey on his shoulders and spins him around before hitting him with a back breaker.
Cody then positions Rey's back against the steel post and then pulls back on his arms and legs. Cody gets back into the ring and grabs Rey's leg, but Rey is able to connect with a kick to the head with his other leg. After a knee to the head, Cody kicks Rey into the steel post.
Commercial
Back from the break, Cody has Rey in a cravat. Rey punches his way out and slides under Cody. Cody powerslams Rey and then stomps on his head. Rhodes then whips Rey hard into the corner and Rey hits the mat hard. Cody hits Rey with some punches then places him on the top rope. Rey headbutts Cody off the top rope to the mat and then hits him with a seated senton and a springboard reverse crossbody.
Rey goes for a cover but Cody kicks out and regains control after a roll up attempt gets him a two count. Rey Mysterio tries to go back to the top rope and hit a cross body, but Cody hits him with a dropkick in mid air. Cody picks up Rey and kicks him in the midsection while he's hung up in the ropes. Cody then tries for a powerbomb, but Rey gets out of it and rolls Cody up for the win!
After the match, Cody attacks Rey from behind and beats him down. Cody continues the assault outside the ring, slamming Rey into the security barriers. Rey eventually starts to fight back and throws Cody over the security barrier back towards the ring.
The battle ends when Cody hits Rey in the head with his protective face mask, then hits him with the Cross Rhodes outside the ring. Cody then puts a paper bag on an unconscious Rey Mysterio.
Commercial
In the back, Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett are arguing over the Battle Royal last week. Gabriel eliminated Barrett but said it wasn't personal. Barrett says he wouldn't have done that. Heath Slater and Ezekiel Jackson are also in the back and everyone seems tense. They all act like they're on the same page, but it doesn't seem like they really are.
Layla and Michelle McCool are going to couples therapy again. It's not going well. The only time it seemed like they had any hope was when they both shouted "Shut up baldy!" to their therapist. The session ends with Michelle pretending to be sorry for making Layla cry just before she beats her up.
Commercial
When we return, Michael Cole wastes some more airtime with some annoying comments and another annoying recap of him being annoying from last week.
Match #2: Jack Swagger versus Trent Barretta.
The match was basically a squash. Swagger a couple of his standard moves; a shoulder block, a Swagger bomb (a corner slingshot splash) Swagger then slaps Trent in the head a few times before Barretta finally starts to land some offense. Trent tries to hit Swagger with a hurricanrana from the top rope, but Swagger catches him and turns it into a powerbomb.
Swagger then applies the ankle lock and gets the submission victory. The real problem with this match is Cole would not shut up. I know he's supposed to be a villain and he is great at being hate-able; but it's too much, he's dominating the show and he's not talented or interesting enough to take up so much air time. Thankfully we finally get him to shut up so they can play a segment featuring the Big Show appearing on the Kids Choice awards.
Commercial
Back from the break, we see a scary looking person who must be Awesome Kong destroying a doll.
Match #3: The Big Show and Kane versus Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel of the Corre for the tag team titles.
Kane and Slater start the match of. Slater lands the first punch but Kane quickly takes over and hits Slater with a back drop, a snapmare, and a dropkick to the face. After an unsuccessful pin attempt, Kane tags in the Big Show. Big Show hits Slater with a huge chop and then punishes him in the corner by crushing him with his back and his giant ass.
Show tags Kane back in and Kane lands a big uppercut and then picks up Slater. Slater floats out and chops at Kane's knee from behind. Slater tags in Gabriel and Gabriel and Kane immediately flattens him with a big right hand. Kane goes to the top rope but is knocked off and back into the ring by Ezekiel Jackson. Justin Gabriel lands several punches and puts Kane in a front face lock.
Kane fights his way out and tries to hit Gabriel with a side slam; Gabriel counters with a DDT and tags in Slater. Slater tries to come off the top rope but Kane hits him in mid air. Kane tags in the Big Show and Show drops Slater with a clothesline and then crushes him in the corner with his back.
Justin Gabriel tries to interfere but is thrown out of the ring into Ezekiel Jackson. Big Show hits Slater with a choke slam for the win: Big Show and Kane are the new tag team champs!
Commercial
When we return, Slater and Gabriel are yelling at Ezekiel Jackson for not 'having their backs.' Jackson tells them if they want to know why they lost, they should look in the mirror, especially Slater, since he got pinned. Gabriel gives Slater a look after that comment, and Slater responds by shoving Gabriel to the ground.
Match #4: Drew McIntyre versus Chris Masters.
Drew lands the first few strikes, but Masters nearly gets the Master lock on in the opening minute. Drew gets knocked down by Chris, but then snaps Master's head and neck down across the top rope. Drew gets back into the ring and hits Masters with a couple of clotheslines.
Chris manages to roll Drew up for a near fall and then follows up with a power bomb. Chris gets another near fall and then the two men exchange strikes. Chris knocks Drew down with a shoulder block from the second rope and goes for the Master Lock again. Drew escapes by pushing off the ropes with his feet, sending Chris falling backwards with Drew on top of him. Drew then hits Masters with the Future Shock DDT for the win!
Commercial
Match #5: Wade Barrett versus Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental title.
Kofi starts off fast and hits a series of kicks and punches. Wade eventually responds with an elbow that drops Kofi, and then stomps on his prone body. Kofi gets to the ropes and hits Wade with a high springboard cross body.
Commercial
When we return, Wade is stretching out Kofi's back on the steel post. Wade rolls him back in and then charges after him when he re-enters the ring. Kofi ducks and sends Wade sprawling out to the floor. Kofi pursues and is nearly flattened by Ezekiel Jackson, but Kofi ducks and Jackson hits Wade by mistake. Kofi comes after Barrett but Barrett takes him down with a big boot to the face.
Wade then angrily tells Jackson to leave. Kofi rolls Barrett up from behind but Barrett kicks out. Kofi hits Wade with a clothesline and then the Boom Drop. Kofi sets up the Trouble in Paradise but Barrett blocks it. Wade gets Kofi up on his shoulders to hit him with the Wasteland but Kofi saves himself by grabbing onto the ropes. Wade then hits Kofi with another big boot and rolls him up for the win! Barrett did illegally grab hold of the ropes for leverage.
Commercial
When we return, it is time for Alberto Del Rio's retirement party for Edge. Alberto says he has a lot of gifts to help Edge enjoy his retirement. He unveils a grandfather clock, so Edge can watch his life tick away. He got Edge some adult diapers, explaining that with his injury, Edge probably can't make it to the bath room in time anymore. Then Alberto says he also brought his old flame, Lita with him tonight; then he brings out an obese woman with red hair that is obviously not Lita.
Alberto also got Edge a stroller so he can take fake obese Lita out for walks. And his final gift is a motorized wheelchair with handicapped plates. Suddenly, Edge's music hits and Edge comes out to a huge pop.
Edge claims he responded to Alberto's retirement party invite on Facebook, adding that he would never want to miss his own retirement party. Edge then tells Alberto he sucks (inspiring the crowd to chant YOU SUCK) and is a bad person, and a party pooper. He says his entire entourage looks like a big flaming bag of poop. I thought this sounded like cheap, easy humor aimed at 12 year old boys, but some of the fans actually did start to chant 'poop'.
Brodus Clay walks up the ramp to confront Edge, but he is suddenly hit from behind with a ladder by Christian, the man that will be facing Alberto at Extreme Rules for the heavyweight title. Alberto comes after Christian, but Christian takes him out with the ladder as well.
Christian then takes the ladder into the ring and climbs up to grab the title that has been hanging over the ring all night long. Edge applauds his friend as Christian poses with the title in the ring.
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